The Weirdest Guiness World Records

It's a glorious day, and just the right time....to set a Guiness World Record!

What's with my sudden inspiration? Well, the truth is, on November 27th, we (as in me and 2,499 other people) are going to set a Guiness World Record. How? By each one of us running 100 metres around a 400 metre running track.

I know. Breathtaking right? I mean....that's like....what the hell, how on earth can that be a world record?! Look at it this way. Supposing we do set this record (after all the hardwork and dedication and endurance of human spirit blah blah blah), what happens then?


I'll tell you. In some remote corner of the world, perhaps in a village in Sarajevo, or a town in Mogadishu, approximately 2400 people will be clamouring, (perhaps for food aid, or distribution of clothes or something...), when all of a sudden, one bright fellow will realise:

"Wait a minute. We are almost on the verge of breaking a world record! Alright everyone, silence, silence, guess what! If we take a bamboo stick, arrange ourselves in a line, and then run with the stick, for 100 metres, we'll have broken the world record!"

Another bright yet cynical fellow would have thought excatly what you were thinking:

"Come on! You gotta be kidding. This is the dumbest world record I can think of!"

Of course, the moment the Guiness World Record judges arrive, they'd have realised it was all far from a joke...

Anyways, that set me thinking. Could this really be true? I mean, have we advanced so much that we cant think of any better world records to search. I reflected upon this deeply, and turned towards my mentor, my guide....Google Search.

And guess what? You'd be shocked at how absolutely retarded the Guiness guys actually are. Here are a list of my favourite Guiness World Records:

1. The biggest number of rattlesnakes in one's mouth
2. The most number of people inside a Mini-Cooper (21, if you're trying to break it...)
3. The hairiest family (I know, makes you wish you hadnt waxed right?)
4. The most number of feet sniffed ("In a 15-year career, Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5,600 feet while working for footcare experts Dr Scholl in the USA" - Good thing he never sniffed my leg!)
5. The most watches eaten ("Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1hr 34mins in 1998" - That must be one punctual chap!)  

That's all I can offer right now. If you came across any crapier world records, do let me know. I might even try my hand at breaking a few of the records. Till then, I should be proud to be part of the world recording setting team....that did absolutely nothing other than run with a baton in their hand!

Julius Caesar 1.5

Recently, I had a leg injury, which forced me to wear a plaster case (made out of fiber-glass, mind you!), everywhere I went.

As if this wasnt enough, I was also cast as Julius Caesar in the play..."Julius Caesar".

No, they didnt choose a limp to play the role intentionally. Which was why the Drama Teacher was visibly alarmed when he saw me limp into the practise hall, prepared with my dialogue.

"How long will it take for the plaster case to be removed?" He asked.

I told him excatly what my Doctor told me. "More than a week before the play is to be staged sir. There wont be a problem..."

Which set me thinking. What if there is a problem. What if I have to act, with the plaster case, and the fabulous limp? Well, then the play would have a few alterations, such as...

(Cassius, the main Conspirator, who wants to assasinate Julius Caesar, is worried since Julius Caesar hasnt arrived at the Senate...)

Cassius: Where on earth is Caesar. He's twenty minutes late!

Brutus: For god sakes Cassius, dont be such a jerk. He's got a limp. I heard they're carrying him here on a Stretcher.

Cassius: Oh God! On a stretcher? How on earth are we going to assasinate him --

(Julius Caesar enters, in a stretcher, carried by four of his friends. They look really pissed off. They werent told they would have to carry the guy they're going to kill)

The thirteen Senators: All hail Caesar!

Caesar: (in a really bad mood because of his leg) Ya ya whatever. Cinna, Casca, massage my feet would you. God, it's still paining so badly!

(Casca and Cinna hide their daggers, look irritatedly at Cassius. Cassius shrugs his shoulders and signals them to do as they're told...)

Metillus: (kneeling down, ready to stab Caesar) O Caesar --

Caesar: Just a minute Metillus. If you dont mind, could you pass me that glass of wine?

Metillus: (looking stunned) Err-- ofcourse. Why not...(he leans across and gets the glass of wine for Caesar)

Cassius: (getting increasingly irritated by the failure of his plan) CAESAR! I REQUEST YOU TO FREE PUBLIUS CIMBER!

Caesar: (enraged and surprised) What! (He jumps up from the stretcher, and glares at Cassius)

Casca: (taking the signal from Cassius) Now my hands will speak for -- (He moves forward and accidently steps on Caesar's leg)

(Caesar roars out in pain, and begins to hop on one leg. The Conspirators are baffled. They watch him hop around. Finally, Caesar's head hits the lamp holder, he tumbles down to the statue of Pompey, and lies still.)

(There is complete silence for a moment.)

(Every one looks towards Cassius.)

Cassius: Crap man! What the hell do we do now?

Brutus: He's dead right? That's what we wanted....so....

Casca and Cinna: (very vaguely, confused and unsure) Liberty? Freedom? Err....Tyranny is over?

Cassius: (still shocked) Hmm....listen. Some of you, you know, go to the pulpit and tell them...

Metillus: Tell them what?

(Complete silence. No one has an answer...)

The END.

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Me and Dostana...

Let me be philosophical again...

Right now, there are two kinds of people in the world, (or atleast in India...)

1. The people who have seen Dostana,
2. The people who are waiting to see Dostana

Forgive me if you think it's lame of me to think so, but there's a reason.

Just yesterday, many of my friends went to see Dostana. They loved it. What was more, they actually told me how good the movie was. As if to emphasis my misery, they concluded by saying what any person in my positing would dread to hear: "Man! You should have been there! You missed it!"

The reason I missed it, is a completely different story. A really evil minded basketball player pushed me to the ground, at excatly the same time as when my ankle was twisted. Hence, my ligaments couldnt take the abuse any longer. I was to put a plaster case, (the doctor tried cheering me up by saying it was made of Fiber Glass...Wow! Lucky Me!).

So to cut a long story short....I am stuck at home, unable to venture to the theatres or shopping malls. And right now, there are three things I am praying for:

1. The Hollywood and Bollywood Box Office Should not release any more blockbuster movies for the next two weeks, until my leg is healed (asking a little too much? I thought so...)
2. My trusted file sharing software (Limewire and Ares) should be able to find a decent, pirated copy of Dostana (one which doesnt have idiotic cinema viewers getting up in the middle of the movie).
3. My leg gets healed soon.

Until then, do yourself a favour. Go watch Dostana. Laugh out loud. Think of how good the movie is. And then, if you are in a really evil mood....tell me just how good it is.

Meanwhile, I'm still searching for copy of Dostana to download.....

See Half The Movie....Or Get A Refund?

Many have told me, that I am sometimes too philosophical. I'll take that as a compliment, thank you.

So here's a question for my fellow philosophical friends (though the dim-wits can listen if they want to!)

Imagine you are really waiting to see a blockbuster movie. You've counted down the days till the release of the movie and did advancing booking for your tickets. In short you're really excited. Then, when you reach the ticket counter, the man inside looks at your ticket and says : "I'm sorry, but you'll only be able to watch half the movie. Do you still want to watch it, or get a refund for the ticket?"

Now this might seem like a ridiculous question to ask. But what would you do? See the movie, or get a refund?

Here's why I asked this. What if you could become best friends with a person whom you really like. But the catch is, after you two have become best buddies, he will be saying farewell to you. If you knew this before hand, that is, before becoming best friends with him, would you still want to go ahead and become best friends?

If you did go ahead and become best friends, you would go through the pain of parting ways and saying good byes.

If you didnt go ahead, you could avoid the pain.....and never feel the joys of having a great friend.

So what would you do? See half the movie....or get a refund?

Tell me through the comment section, because I'm dying to know....

The First Laptop Diary Post...

Dear LG,

I think I should be frank with you. I dont think it's good to hide such important stuff. You must've noticed that I havent been typing for a while (Obviously, since you're the laptop...)

The thing is, I guess I'm having Blogger's Block right now. I'm feeling incapable of writing a proper post, just like you sometimes are incapable of opening My Documents ( I hate that, by the way!). Anyways, school is becoming hectic. I wonder whether I'll be able to cope with the studies. Sometimes I feel the load is too much. That I wont be able to understand it all. Now I know how you felt when you were being compared to Acer and Dell. They're way out of you're league....

Anyways, maybe I'll start writing soon. I hope you're going to be done with the formatting thing by then. Take your time. This is the fourth formatting that you've had. I dont like installing things back in place, even if you seem to enjoy it!

By the way....please do something about the keys. I cant seem to type the T's.

Love,
Your Owner.

This is an experimental new post, part of a new series aptly titled : The Laptop Diary. I do know it hasnt reached it's potential, but give it a try. Do let me know how it sounds....

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Welcome to Laptop Diary

Dear Reader,

Presuming that you're reading my blog for the first time, I hope I'll be able to tell you why exactly this site isnt a waste of your time.

Laptop Diary, is a blog where I, a 17 year old teenager, comments about Life as such. Nothing extremely philosophical, nor shockingly boring. Mostly there are humorous stories from my past, re edited parodies of Julius Caesar, quiet contemplation about Mumbai Attacks, short stories and the occasional diary entries to my dear Laptop.

So if you're wondering where to start from, here's my advice. If you're the impatient, rarely impressed kind, here are my top 15 posts:

#1 - A Handful Of Olives

#2 - My Card House

#3 - Just A Bat And A Ball

#4 - Julius Caesar 1.5

#5 - The Mallu Who Lived

#6 - You Had A Bad Day?

#7 - Black And White...Or Shades of Grey

#8 - How I Got My Dimples

#9 - My Family Pack

#10 - Think Of Ajay

#11 - The Story of Rajeev And Faisal

#12 - He Came, He Taught, He Inspired

#13 - Once Upon A Time, When I Was Cute

#14 - Me And My Decisions

#15 - What's Wrong With My Hello?


Please comment if you like the posts, or else just rate them. Also, if you've liked the blog, it's usually a huge confidence booster for me when you subscribe for future posts. And lastly, if you're here to spend a little more time, then feel free to read my blog from the very first.

That's all from me. Go on now, hope you enjoy Laptop Diary.