21 August 2008

The Mallu Who Lived

I'm going to talk about the day that I almost died....

(All you cynical readers out there, dont rejoice yet. I said almost. But not quite. I'm still alive and kicking...)

The day was a long time ago. Back then, I was a 5 or 4 year old kid, enjoying my time in India. When the action starts, I'm in the front porch of my house, jumping around, making odd noises, and you know, playing with my lips (that was my way of enjoying.) Just then, my Mom got hold of me, and gave me some cough syrus (for my cough, obviously.) She saw that I had some peanuts in my mouth, but didnt bother about it. I didnt either. I just continued jumping around and making noises. Little did I know that those peanuts would kill me....almost.

Two days later, we all went to the doctor, (well I didnt want to go. I wanted to play with my lips and make odd noises...but who listens to me anyway!). My Mom just mentioned to the Doc that I had some peanuts in my mouth when she was giving me my cough syrup. The Doc (being one of the few good ones in India at that time) told that we should check it out immediately. I wasnt so enthusiastic about any of it, but before I could voice my opinion, they stuck a needle into me and gave me anesthetics. I dont remember anything after that.

Turns out, something bad happened. Now listen carefully, since this is the technical part of the story. It seems that after having the cough syrup, the peanuts got quite confused about which pipe to go down, and went through the wind pipe instead (I know, such retarded nuts!). What happened then, was that the peanuts ended up in my lungs. Not the ideal place for digestion, you'll agree.

The Doc was frantic about it all (I was unconsious...). He said that if the peanuts moved a bit more down my lungs, it would block the alveoli or something. I would just end up on the table, chocked to death, though it would be peaceful (since I was unconsious...)

My Mom got ready for her part of the role, and quickly began crying. My Dad did what he was supposed to, and began pacing around the rooom. The Doc, who thankfully knew what he had to do, ordered a Bronchoscopy.

Now most of you dont know what that is. It's this cool procedure, where they send a tube down your lungs. Obviously they all wanted the peanuts out of my lungs.

My extended family and relatives all sat at home and began praying for me. My Mom turned up a gear and more tears started flowing. My Dad....well he was a bit tired from all the pacing around. He took a bit of rest.

To cut a long story short, they took the bloody retarded peanuts out of my lungs, threw them away, and I was woken up. I couldnt understand why everyone started hugging me after that. Years later, my Mom told me this fantastic story.

I read Harry Potter, and thought, 'He just survived a killing curse. I survived a handful of peanuts trying to choke me to death. I'm way cooler.'

That's why I say....I'm the "Mallu Who Lived..."

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  1. woahh.....those blessed peanuts :P....jus kiddin...luv the way u've added the humor in this man....i knw it wont be so funny whn it really happens to u...but this is really cool!!
    n the title is apt too!!nicee post...

  2. haha... maan.. actually wen u shud be ashamed of urslf..
    being killed by the darkest sorcerer by using a killing curse has got more honour than dying due to a couple of.. er.. peanuts..??

    oooh... behold the mighty peanuts... the darkest nut tht ever existed... gathering addicts and followers and killing off those who stand in thier way...??:D

    kk..k.. lets give it a name.. some thing lyk.. You-Know-Nuts? or.. sumthin lyk.. He who must not be eaten?? or the Nut Lord?? or Lord PeanutMart??

    I knw i shudnt be jokin abt it... but u shudnt be jokin abt it too...:D

    nice one dude.. keep it coming..:D

  3. lesson of the day : never eat nuts.
    b/w u made such a serious thing into a very comical story

    good going! keep it up!!

  4. lols!........nice story!.....realy good title!.....ive also had sum incident like dis......just de diff--it was wid ppr!.....i keep mixn up de story!.....so im nt gona tel it anyway! :P....bt criosuly those blessed peanuts-liek wat rejin said! :D

  5. lykd playin with ur lips??? doin wat????

  6. "such retarded nuts!" LOL! Excellent Mutthu!

  7. U r such a sweetie.... such a serious event and yet u made it look so funny.... my dear "Mallu" I seriously hope u realise d seriousness of wat happend but.... wats gone is gone.... good thing is dat u r alive... and writin such marvellous pieces!!!! I cudn't help laughin coz u forced me to laugh through ur writing...Cheers to u and ur nuts!!!!!!

    p.s. I hate nuts and now i gotta xcuse for not eatin them

  8. damn u man u gave me such gud hope wid da first line an den i noticed da word "almost"

    ........... then i said DAMN...........

  9. i have always been proud of this proffession i chose but when i think that what it has given me is 12-13 additional annoying years of u around,i'm not so sure...
    u know i'm kidding rite..i'm absolutely delighed ur still alive and kicking(sometimes a bit too hard).seriously.i mean it.well most of the time i do...

  10. Ur A Cutie !!!! Damn Those Nuts.... How Could They Mess Around With You !! Now Look You Made Them So Famous !!!!!

  11. This is amazing! hahah :D It's so perfectly spoken by a 5 yr old..great write!..

  12. hahahaha......nice one