The Quickest Way To Jail

It was a clear Friday morning, with the clouds chivalrously concealing the sun, helping bring down the boiling temperature for as long as possible. With an extra spring in my steps, I settled down in front of my laptop. For those of you who are unacquainted with this ritual, let me explain. Since starting Laptop Diary as a blog, my laptop and I have had several interactions. Who says machines don’t have a heart?

Me: A splendid morning to you, Tosh!

Toshiba: (absentmindedly) I’ve told you, I don’t like that nickname. Toshiba is my surname. My actual name is Satellite L755.

Me: Fine, fine Tosh, don’t get worked up over that. Say, what are you busy reading anyway?

[Toshiba minimizes the Google Chrome page before I can glance at it...]
Me: (mischievously) Ah…what were you looking at?

Toshiba: (curtly) Let’s not go there, alright? I still have last week’s web history saved…

Me: (hastily) Right, anyways, back to work now. I’ve made a new resolution, Tosh!

Goodbye LG

Dear LG,

They say all good things must come to an end. I guess that's true in our case as well. I know you're still upset by my father's decision. But I guess it's all for the best.

I thought I should write this last letter to you, before we finally part. I hope you'll be a little bit more happy after reading this.

LG, remember the first time I saw you? It was almost four years back. I'll never forget how the salesman kept insisting on me buying the latest model of HP. He told me about all the features it had, and how it was the best laptop in the market. But I couldnt take my eyes off your Black and Silver sleek design. That's why I bought you. That, and also because my dad had a tight budget.

LG, I must say, you've been a great laptop. Sure, you're hard drive crashes almost every week, and you wouldnt be able to scan for viruses even if they were renamed as 'Virus'. You've forgotten how to copy CDs, and you've got a horrible habit of procrastinating. Besides, you cant remember what to paste where...(sigh)

But, there used to be good times too. Remember those late nights, when you stayed up with me, just so that I could finish the first posts of Laptop Diary? Of course, that was before you're F's and T's stopped working...

I guess I should apologize now. I'm sorry for all times I seemed rude to you, and seriously, I never meant to swear at you, but come on, crashing 3 times in an hour? That was a bit irritating. But perhaps I did hurt your feelings sometimes. One advice though. Next time you get pissed off with the owner, dont throw a tantrum and stop responding all the time. The keys Ctrl, Alt and Delete dont work anymore, you know that right?

LG, I just wanted to let you know, you're a great Laptop. Yes, I mean it. It doesnt matter how you look now, with a cracked monitor, faded keys, worn off stickers and so on. It doesnt even matter that you're slower than a Nintendo gaming console. I like you for who you are: The laptop who's battery life stays for a maximum of 10 minutes, has a memory of a jellyfish, and (perhaps worst of all) allows Viruses to play football on the Windows XP desktop Wallpaper.

Perhaps the most important thing I should thank you for, is Laptop Diary. The title of my newly reopened blog, was inspired from you. It was a title made in the spur of the moment, but the name's stuck. It's symbolic, isnt it, that you're leaving after I closed Laptop Diary. I guess it's the end of an era. The Laptop Diary 1.0 era. And on behalf of my readers, I should thank you. Dont expect them to thank you, they're got a problem with leaving comments on blogs. Still, you should know that Laptop Diary is going to carry on (as soon as I get a new Laptop), and I hope you'll be able to read it once in a while. Drop a comment if you can...

It's time for you to leave now. You'll be packed off and sent to India soon. I hope you like it there. You should, you're monitor was made in Jaipur I suppose... I cant promise I'll keep in touch, but I'm sure you'll move on in life.

Goodbye LG. I'll miss you. And you should know, I'll never forget you. It's quite hard to, after all that you've done. And yes, I dont have any regrets about you. Except perhaps one. I should have listened to the salesman...

With Love,
Your Owner,
Mohammed Musthafa.

(This is a Laptop Diary Entry. I had written two entries earlier, and hopefully, I'll be continuing these posts, every once in a while. Hope you liked it. Let me know. By the way, even if you dont comment, please rate the post (notice the stars below?). And yes, I'll be soon putting up a post titled : "Thank You, Sorry and Welcome Back". You can guess what that's going to be about...!)

Subscribe to Laptop Diary by Email

If you are a new reader to this blog, check the Top Rated Posts, as well as the Best Posts of 2008.

If you haven't visited here for quite some time, take a look at the latest posts...

Please subscribe to the blog, so that you get the latest updates in your inbox. Besides, leave a comment, or if you are a blogger yourself, follow this blog.

Laptop Diary Entry : "What's Wrong With You?"

Dear LG,

I think it's about time that I wrote another diary entry. Seems to me that you're kind of pissed off with me. Why else is it that every time I try to upload something onto my blog, a pesky little virus starts running around? Dont blame Norton Anti Virus for that. The chap's been updating himself since the day he met you. Obviously you're the one with the problem.

What is it? Is it because you think I'm ignoring you on my blog? True, when I began this blog, it was primarily to write diary entries to you. But LG, try to understand. Things have changed now. I have loyal (alright, at least passively interested) readers for my blog. And I don't think they like these kind of Laptop Diary Entries. And one of them already thinks I'm a little loose in the head. How do you think he's going to react when he hears about your and my relation? Who else in this world actually writes diary entries to his laptop?

Fine, I'll reach a compromise with you. If you allow me to get back to work on my blog, I promise I'll write to you every Saturday. In fact, I'll tell you all about my blog, and what's happening around me. It'll be fun. But please, for the love of god, get those Trojan idiots back into Quarantine. Or else you're really going to be in a mess.

So hope everything's sorted out between us. I have to get back to updating the blog every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Till then, hope you'll stay happy.

And one more thing. Since you have pretty much nothing to do in the mornings when I'm at school, cant you do something about the 'P's and the 'S's? They've almost sunken into the keyboard. And ya, you should really do a disk cleanup once in a while. You're hard drive is a bigger mess than my room.

With Love,
Your Owner,
Mohammed Musthafa.

This is my trademark 'Laptop Diary Entry'. Hope it's good enough, since I plan to post one every week. If it hasnt been clear already, I've taken my dear Laptop as a character (with a little too much of sensitivity, I should add), and this blog is essentially for me to communicate with him. Through the Laptop Diary enteries, I'll talk about my blog readers, what's happening around me, and so on. Dont worry, there'll be regular normal posts as well. Do tell me if this is a good idea. Thanks!

The First Laptop Diary Post...

Dear LG,

I think I should be frank with you. I dont think it's good to hide such important stuff. You must've noticed that I havent been typing for a while (Obviously, since you're the laptop...)

The thing is, I guess I'm having Blogger's Block right now. I'm feeling incapable of writing a proper post, just like you sometimes are incapable of opening My Documents ( I hate that, by the way!). Anyways, school is becoming hectic. I wonder whether I'll be able to cope with the studies. Sometimes I feel the load is too much. That I wont be able to understand it all. Now I know how you felt when you were being compared to Acer and Dell. They're way out of you're league....

Anyways, maybe I'll start writing soon. I hope you're going to be done with the formatting thing by then. Take your time. This is the fourth formatting that you've had. I dont like installing things back in place, even if you seem to enjoy it!

By the way....please do something about the keys. I cant seem to type the T's.

Love,
Your Owner.

This is an experimental new post, part of a new series aptly titled : The Laptop Diary. I do know it hasnt reached it's potential, but give it a try. Do let me know how it sounds....