21 November 2008

Julius Caesar 1.5

Recently, I had a leg injury, which forced me to wear a plaster case (made out of fiber-glass, mind you!), everywhere I went.

As if this wasnt enough, I was also cast as Julius Caesar in the play..."Julius Caesar".

No, they didnt choose a limp to play the role intentionally. Which was why the Drama Teacher was visibly alarmed when he saw me limp into the practise hall, prepared with my dialogue.

"How long will it take for the plaster case to be removed?" He asked.

I told him excatly what my Doctor told me. "More than a week before the play is to be staged sir. There wont be a problem..."

Which set me thinking. What if there is a problem. What if I have to act, with the plaster case, and the fabulous limp? Well, then the play would have a few alterations, such as...

(Cassius, the main Conspirator, who wants to assasinate Julius Caesar, is worried since Julius Caesar hasnt arrived at the Senate...)

Cassius: Where on earth is Caesar. He's twenty minutes late!

Brutus: For god sakes Cassius, dont be such a jerk. He's got a limp. I heard they're carrying him here on a Stretcher.

Cassius: Oh God! On a stretcher? How on earth are we going to assasinate him --

(Julius Caesar enters, in a stretcher, carried by four of his friends. They look really pissed off. They werent told they would have to carry the guy they're going to kill)

The thirteen Senators: All hail Caesar!

Caesar: (in a really bad mood because of his leg) Ya ya whatever. Cinna, Casca, massage my feet would you. God, it's still paining so badly!

(Casca and Cinna hide their daggers, look irritatedly at Cassius. Cassius shrugs his shoulders and signals them to do as they're told...)

Metillus: (kneeling down, ready to stab Caesar) O Caesar --

Caesar: Just a minute Metillus. If you dont mind, could you pass me that glass of wine?

Metillus: (looking stunned) Err-- ofcourse. Why not...(he leans across and gets the glass of wine for Caesar)

Cassius: (getting increasingly irritated by the failure of his plan) CAESAR! I REQUEST YOU TO FREE PUBLIUS CIMBER!

Caesar: (enraged and surprised) What! (He jumps up from the stretcher, and glares at Cassius)

Casca: (taking the signal from Cassius) Now my hands will speak for -- (He moves forward and accidently steps on Caesar's leg)

(Caesar roars out in pain, and begins to hop on one leg. The Conspirators are baffled. They watch him hop around. Finally, Caesar's head hits the lamp holder, he tumbles down to the statue of Pompey, and lies still.)

(There is complete silence for a moment.)

(Every one looks towards Cassius.)

Cassius: Crap man! What the hell do we do now?

Brutus: He's dead right? That's what we wanted....so....

Casca and Cinna: (very vaguely, confused and unsure) Liberty? Freedom? Err....Tyranny is over?

Cassius: (still shocked) Hmm....listen. Some of you, you know, go to the pulpit and tell them...

Metillus: Tell them what?

(Complete silence. No one has an answer...)

The END.

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  1. haahaa....hillarious man...u can teach that shakespeare dude some really important drama-writing lessons he seemed to have missed...

    really funny....keep posting stuff..

  2. hahaaa..lol...luvd tis...mayb u cud use tis fo d annual day incase ur leg betrayz u...lol...

    btw...waz wid d "1.5" in d title??

  3. @Rejin...thnks buddy....sure i'll keep posting...cant be sure they'll always be funny!

    @Meghna...thnks...this is the back up in case my leg aint working...btw...Julius Caesar 1.5 meant me having 1 and a half legs instead of the (default, god given) 2 legs....

  4. dude,
    good work, sorry i was late.
    I thot u stpped blogging u knw, even though i come arnd once a week to see if thers any updates.. anyways, i lyked this one. GUess what?
    U can actually make a spoof on Julius Caesar, I literally fell off my chair laughin when i read how caeser died..:D:D

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. man u really know how 2 turn sumthing lyk julius caesar into a comedy...hats off 2 ya!

  7. hmm...improvisations...i like it!

  8. Cool dialogues man!! show this to the drama sir and....well..I guess it is too late! the founders day is 3 days away!!!

  9. awesome dude
    crzly i wud have luvd this 1 to be played
    cassius's plan fails!!!

  10. I think you should write more parodys like this. Many of us would love to read them especially if they're about famous stories like JC.

  11. Goodness.... Yiu nearly killed me.... i was laughin for 10 mins non stop till my sis came and askd if i hav gone mad... I made her read it and now she s laughin like a LUNATIC.... Kool dude!!!!! dat was jus awesum!!!!!!

  12. haha!!
    awesum post!!........coudnt stop laughing!.....ur sense of humour--at tyms:P...is great!!......kepp it going!! :D

  13. it was so funny specially as i could relive the experience through your piece. keep going. waiting for your novel

  14. This is impressive and I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you do.

  15. Dint find it funny !!

  16. hahahaha......nice post by our 21st century shakespeare.....

  17. aaaaaawesome...luv it!

  18. hats off to ur imagination ..... i guess being a comic at home finally paid off!!!! ;-)

  19. Whoa!
    That was hilarious!
    Now, which Julius Caesar did you enact, 1 or 1.5??
    The latter would have done wonders though, would have brought popularity and decreased ur English marks considerably!


  20. the besttttt post so far(according 2 me)..
    nice 1!..:D

  21. loolz man if i had read this in 10th i wud hav got 70 in eng........just cant stop laughing....XD

  22. This was super-hilarious!