29 November 2008

Think of Ajay...

Perhaps it's because of the recent attacks on Mumbai, or perhaps it's because I havent been feeling especially humourous lately. What ever the reason, I've decided to ask you, and myself, a relatively tough question. What would you do, if you were in the position of Ajay?

Read this partly fictionalised story, inspired from a true event in Mumbai...

An 18 year old named Ajay, who was staying in the Taj Hotel in Mumbai, witnessed the hostage attempt. Knowing that he didnt have much time left, he hid himself in his hotel room, and called his parents. Taking all the time he could, he talked to every one of his family members. He wasnt sure he would live to see another day. And sadly, he didnt. After the phone conversation, his family members never heard from Ajay again.

Now here's my question, the answer to which, even I am not sure of. What would you do if you were in Ajay's position? Wouldnt you also want to talk to all your loved ones? Wouldnt you want to tell them just excatly what they mean to you? Sure you would. Well, what if you are going to be in Ajay's position? What if you wont get the small relief which Ajay got?

None of us can say when we'll bid farewell to this world. Maybe two months from now, maybe tomorrow. And if that happens, wouldnt you want to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you?

Stop reading this blog. You dont even have to comment, if you dont want to. But let your family, and your friends, know what they mean to you. Or else, it might be too late...

Think of Ajay....

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28 November 2008

My Editor - In - Chief

There are some times in my life, when I think that I'm a complete idiot.

Okay. Fine, there are many times in my life when I've thought that. Still, once such time, was two days back. Here's why.

There is a friend of mine, and as is with all such "My-Friend" stories, I'll give him a fictious name, Victor. Now this guy, is perhaps my only online buddy (since I'm strongly against being friends with people you dont know in person.) And the reason I'm mentioning him is, he's my Editor-in-Chief.

Alright, not officially or anything. I dont pay him a dime. Yet, he's the guy who's heard all my stories before they became stories. He's the guy who criticised me, and hence saved me from hearing criticism from others. He's the guy who helped me become a better writer.

And what did I do in return? I forgot to keep in touch with him, or even read his blog once in a while.

But now I guess I should make amends. And also realise that many a times, I do behave wrongly with my buddies. But it's never too late to apologize, is it?

26 November 2008

The Weirdest Guiness World Records

It's a glorious day, and just the right time....to set a Guiness World Record!

What's with my sudden inspiration? Well, the truth is, on November 27th, we (as in me and 2,499 other people) are going to set a Guiness World Record. How? By each one of us running 100 metres around a 400 metre running track.

I know. Breathtaking right? I mean....that's like....what the hell, how on earth can that be a world record?! Look at it this way. Supposing we do set this record (after all the hardwork and dedication and endurance of human spirit blah blah blah), what happens then?

I'll tell you. In some remote corner of the world, perhaps in a village in Sarajevo, or a town in Mogadishu, approximately 2400 people will be clamouring, (perhaps for food aid, or distribution of clothes or something...), when all of a sudden, one bright fellow will realise:
"Wait a minute. We are almost on the verge of breaking a world record! Alright everyone, silence, silence, guess what! If we take a bamboo stick, arrange ourselves in a line, and then run with the stick, for 100 metres, we'll have broken the world record!"
Another bright yet cynical fellow would have thought excatly what you were thinking:
"Come on! You gotta be kidding. This is the dumbest world record I can think of!"
Of course, the moment the Guiness World Record judges arrive, they'd have realised it was all far from a joke...
Anyways, that set me thinking. Could this really be true? I mean, have we advanced so much that we cant think of any better world records to search. I reflected upon this deeply, and turned towards my mentor, my guide....Google Search.
And guess what? You'd be shocked at how absolutely retarded the Guiness guys actually are. Here are a list of my favourite Guiness World Records:
  1. The biggest number of rattlesnakes in one's mouth
  2. The most number of people inside a Mini-Cooper (21, if you're trying to break it...)
  3. The hairiest family (I know, makes you wish you hadnt waxed right?)
  4. The most number of feet sniffed ("In a 15-year career, Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5,600 feet while working for footcare experts Dr Scholl in the USA" - Good thing he never sniffed my leg!)
  5. The most watches eaten ("Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1hr 34mins in 1998" - That must be one punctual chap!)  
That's all I can offer right now. If you came across any crapier world records, do let me know. I might even try my hand at breaking a few of the records. Till then, I should be proud to be part of the world recording setting team....that did absolutely nothing other than run with a baton in their hand!

21 November 2008

Julius Caesar 1.5

Recently, I had a leg injury, which forced me to wear a plaster case (made out of fiber-glass, mind you!), everywhere I went.

As if this wasnt enough, I was also cast as Julius Caesar in the play..."Julius Caesar".

No, they didnt choose a limp to play the role intentionally. Which was why the Drama Teacher was visibly alarmed when he saw me limp into the practise hall, prepared with my dialogue.

"How long will it take for the plaster case to be removed?" He asked.

I told him excatly what my Doctor told me. "More than a week before the play is to be staged sir. There wont be a problem..."

Which set me thinking. What if there is a problem. What if I have to act, with the plaster case, and the fabulous limp? Well, then the play would have a few alterations, such as...

(Cassius, the main Conspirator, who wants to assasinate Julius Caesar, is worried since Julius Caesar hasnt arrived at the Senate...)

Cassius: Where on earth is Caesar. He's twenty minutes late!

Brutus: For god sakes Cassius, dont be such a jerk. He's got a limp. I heard they're carrying him here on a Stretcher.

Cassius: Oh God! On a stretcher? How on earth are we going to assasinate him --

(Julius Caesar enters, in a stretcher, carried by four of his friends. They look really pissed off. They werent told they would have to carry the guy they're going to kill)

The thirteen Senators: All hail Caesar!

Caesar: (in a really bad mood because of his leg) Ya ya whatever. Cinna, Casca, massage my feet would you. God, it's still paining so badly!

(Casca and Cinna hide their daggers, look irritatedly at Cassius. Cassius shrugs his shoulders and signals them to do as they're told...)

Metillus: (kneeling down, ready to stab Caesar) O Caesar --

Caesar: Just a minute Metillus. If you dont mind, could you pass me that glass of wine?

Metillus: (looking stunned) Err-- ofcourse. Why not...(he leans across and gets the glass of wine for Caesar)

Cassius: (getting increasingly irritated by the failure of his plan) CAESAR! I REQUEST YOU TO FREE PUBLIUS CIMBER!

Caesar: (enraged and surprised) What! (He jumps up from the stretcher, and glares at Cassius)

Casca: (taking the signal from Cassius) Now my hands will speak for -- (He moves forward and accidently steps on Caesar's leg)

(Caesar roars out in pain, and begins to hop on one leg. The Conspirators are baffled. They watch him hop around. Finally, Caesar's head hits the lamp holder, he tumbles down to the statue of Pompey, and lies still.)

(There is complete silence for a moment.)

(Every one looks towards Cassius.)

Cassius: Crap man! What the hell do we do now?

Brutus: He's dead right? That's what we wanted....so....

Casca and Cinna: (very vaguely, confused and unsure) Liberty? Freedom? Err....Tyranny is over?

Cassius: (still shocked) Hmm....listen. Some of you, you know, go to the pulpit and tell them...

Metillus: Tell them what?

(Complete silence. No one has an answer...)

The END.

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Me and Dostana...

Let me be philosophical again...

Right now, there are two kinds of people in the world, (or atleast in India...)

  1. The people who have seen Dostana,
  2. The people who are waiting to see Dostana
Forgive me if you think it's lame of me to think so, but there's a reason.

Just yesterday, many of my friends went to see Dostana. They loved it. What was more, they actually told me how good the movie was. As if to emphasis my misery, they concluded by saying what any person in my positing would dread to hear: "Man! You should have been there! You missed it!"

The reason I missed it, is a completely different story. A really evil minded basketball player pushed me to the ground, at excatly the same time as when my ankle was twisted. Hence, my ligaments couldnt take the abuse any longer. I was to put a plaster case, (the doctor tried cheering me up by saying it was made of Fiber Glass...Wow! Lucky Me!).

So to cut a long story short....I am stuck at home, unable to venture to the theatres or shopping malls. And right now, there are three things I am praying for:
  1. The Hollywood and Bollywood Box Office Should not release any more blockbuster movies for the next two weeks, until my leg is healed (asking a little too much? I thought so...)
  2. My trusted file sharing software (Limewire and Ares) should be able to find a decent, pirated copy of Dostana (one which doesnt have idiotic cinema viewers getting up in the middle of the movie).
  3. My leg gets healed soon.
Until then, do yourself a favour. Go watch Dostana. Laugh out loud. Think of how good the movie is. And then, if you are in a really evil mood....tell me just how good it is.

Meanwhile, I'm still searching for copy of Dostana to download.....