31 December 2008

"Happy New Year!"

Just about a few hours more, and we're into 2009...

Now, I'm writing this post, for those people who arent going to be invited to a big shot party, or celebration. People like me, who will have to welcome 2009 in more simpler ways. I thought of a few innovative ways to make this New Year Countdown interesting...

Innovation #1: Shout 6000,5999,5998...
If you have absolutely nothing to do from the evening of 31st December onwards...you might as well start the countdown. Remember, there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour. So if you're starting you're countdown at 8 P.M., that means you'll be shouting, "14,400, 14,399, 14,398!"

Best of luck!

Innovation #2: "Hi, Happy New Year!"
For this one, all you need is a phone. Wait till 12 Midnight, and immediately call your best friend. Wish him or her, and then call up your second closest friend. Do this until: A) You fall asleep, B) You're friend curses you for waking him/ her up from sleep...

Innovation #3: Bringing Down The Net
This one is my personal favourite. Log on to your net, access your Facebook or Orkut account. If you are in Facebook, update your status at excatly 12 Midnight. What's the fun? You can see if you're update, "Happy New Year!" comes exactly at 12. Not so fun? Well then, try this...

In Orkut, choose a really popular Community, and ask the members to wish "Happy New Year" excatly at 12. The one who actually gets to 12 Midnight, is declared the winner. Then, watch the fun as Orkut gets jammed, and the server fails...

Innovation #4: Snore
This one's for the lazy goons. Go to bed at 9, and dont wake up until 10 the next morning. That way, you'd have set the tone for the entire year...

Happy New Year Guys!

P.S.: Please tell me how you enjoyed your New Year....

29 December 2008

The Bucket List

How many of you have seen the movie, The Bucket List?

Fine, considering that hardly any of you have heard of the movie, I wont go into details. But do watch the movie if you can. You wont regret it.

There's an interesting origin behind the term, The Bucket List. "To Kick the Bucket" is an American expression, which means to die. Therefore, as a philosophy Professor in the movie asks, we should all make a Bucket List. That is, a list of the things which we want to do/complete/acheive, before we 'kick the bucket'.

But talking about death is too complicated. Why dont we make another type of Bucket List instead? I'll take myself as an example. I've decided to make a bucket list which I'll complete before June 2010 (the approximate date when I will leave 12th grade for higher studies).

Musthafa's Bucket List:
#1- Make atleast 10 really close friends
#2- Have a wonderful farewell (hence, indirectly have an awesome time before the farewell!)
#3- Acheive a wonderful readership for Laptop Diary (ya right!)
#4- Write a book (This has been there in all my previous Bucket Lists....looks like it's going to stick around for a long time...)
#5- Get the feeling that my life so far, hasnt been a waste...

These are just some of the items in the list. Why should we write this? Because, years from now, when we look back, we'll know just what we wanted. And what we acheived. Besides, imagine the possibilty of striking out each item in the list, as we achieve it? That itself is reason enough to make a list.

Make a list guys. For the next year. Or for the next two years. Or even for the next 10 years. But make a list. And have fun fulfilling it.

P.S. You could really help me complete mine...if you read #3 of my Bucket List. Subscribe here, and comment as well. If your a blogger, follow this blog too!


First things first. It's true that I never knew what 'Touchwood!' meant, until yesterday. And frankly, I'm hoping that I'm not the only one.

But when my teacher explained what Touchwood means, a strange idea came to my mind. Before I go on, for my fellow ignoramus's, here's the meaning of Touchwood.

Touchwood in an expression which we say whenever something is going well for us, and we dont want it to change. Pardon me if it's not a precise definition.

After I heard this, I began to think. What if we began crying out, 'Touchwood' everytime something good was happening to us.

Imagine you're in your class, trying to finish your homework, when someone tells you, that you have two more days to submit your work. 'Touchwood!', you scream.

From then on, for every blessing, luck and miracle that occurs to you, cry out 'Touchwood!'.


Because, when someone finally tells you, that you've been yelling 'Touchwood' too often, you'll realise how lucky you actually are. It's a good way to let our sometimes, negative, grumbling, oh-the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side thinking mind know, that life isnt so bad after all.

Of course, if you yell 'Touchwood!' in school too often, you'll be taken to the Principal's office.

Imagine him standing in front of you and telling, "You're teachers tell me that you're creating too much of a disturbance in class. I'm letting you go with a warning. If you repeat this, you'll be punished. Consider yourself lucky this time."

Lucky? What do you reply? "Touchwood!"

28 December 2008

Waiting At My Doorstep

This poem is about two best friends who have a fight, and no longer talk to each other. The narrator wishes to see his best friend again....

I'm waiting at my doorstep,
Waiting in vain,
Waiting and hoping,
To see you once again.

Not quite long ago,
Things were different,
we werent strangers,
We were best friends.

The time on the phone,
The time during parties,
Where have they all gone,
Those sweet, happy memories?

Change is inevitable,
Change is needed,
But do we really need a change,
Which makes us strangers?

The phone is silent now,
It used to ring a lot back then,
Sometimes I dream of picking up the phone,
And hearing your voice at the other end.

It hurts the most,
When others ask me about you,
I have to fake a smile,
And pretend to be happy too.

This isnt how,
It was supposed to be,
We dreamed of being friends forever,
Didnt we?

I still wait near the phone,
I still check for your mail,
I still wake up every morning,
Hoping to hear from you again.

I'm waiting at my doorstep,
Waiting in vain,
Waiting and hoping,
To see you once again.

25 December 2008

The "Spoiler" Moments

I just thought of a wonderful way of infuriating you, my dear blog reader. What if I were to tell you the climax of Ghajini, even before you get a chance to see the movie?

Okay, okay, relax, I’m not going to do that. Seriously. But what if I did. You’d obviously be pissed off, and the best part is, there would be nothing you could do about it. Other than, you know, vowing to never visit my blog ever again.

But let me tell you why I got this idea. I read a news report of how there was an SMS campaign going on, in which the climax of Ghajini was revealed. Imagine how irritated the poor guy would be after reading the SMS. Makes me feel glad that no one’s interested in SMSing me…

This isn’t the first time such things have happened. Two or three years ago, when Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was released, excited fans were standing in queues outside bookstores. Some really jobless souls, who bought the book first itself, raced by the crowds on a bike, and screamed out the ending: “Snape kills Dumbledore!”

Oh crap, did I just spoil the twist for you?

And the worst thing is, the moment you hear the “spoiler” ending, there’s nothing you can do about it. You cant pretend to not have heard it. You have to think about it.

Quite frustrating actually. It happened to me recently, when a brilliant chap decided to tell me who amongst Abhishek and John gets Priyanka in Dostana.

So, I’ll leave all of you now to watch Ghajini. And most probably, I wont spoil the ending for you. But if you have had such “Spoiler” moments, do let me know. At least it’ll make me feel better…

24 December 2008

Best Post of Laptop Diary - 2008

I love the last few days of the year. That's the time when every one's out making lists. Lists of the best movies, best songs, worst moments, best events....blah blah blah...

So, why should I hold back? I've decided to find out which was the "Best Post" of "Laptop Diary - 2008". Wow, that kinda sounds cool, doesnt it? But here are the nominees...

Nominee #1: The Mallu Who Lived

Nominee #2: Once Upon A Time...When I Was Cute

Nominee #3: What's Wrong With My Hello

Nominee #4: How I Got My Dimples

Nominee #5: The First Laptop Diary

Nominee #6: See Half The Movie...Or Get A Refund

Nominee #7: Julius Caesar 1.5

Nominee #8: Think Of Ajay

Nominee #9: "What's Up With Your Hairstyle?"

Nominee #10: Me And My Decisions

Pick out your favourite post, as well as the top three. The polls will close on 30th December, and the results will be shown on 31th December.

23 December 2008

A Bunch of Cables

It really marvels me how a bunch of cables can cause so much trouble to lives of millions of people…

What I don’t understand as well, is why we’ve become so primitive as to rely on cables under the ground. I’m no scientific expert, but cmon, we’ve got atleast a handful of satellites in the sky nowadays, don’t we?

For those of you who don’t quite get what I’m talking about, let me be more clear. Recently, a few internet cables under the Meditteranean Sea(or some similar sounding place) were cut, some partially, others completely. As a result, fourteen countries in the world are having trouble accessing servers. Thus, people like us have to wait longer to access the internet.

I really didn’t like the news when I heard it. It sounded kiddish. I mean, think about it. You see those ads where they say, Lightining Internet Connection at your finger tips! And so on. Then when you call the customer service department, what do they have to say? Sorry sir, but a few cables have been cut somewhere half way across the world. You’re net connection is going to be slower…

And who are the culprits? I read that some fishing boats that tredged the sea bed accidentally cut the cables. Damn those fishermen!

Well, look at the bright side. From now onwards, whenever I don’t see people commenting on my blog, I can just blame the internet servers. After all, it couldn’t possibly be because of the quality of my blog, could it? So much for vanity….

Still, let’s pray those cables aren’t damaged again, any time soon…

17 December 2008

Remembering 2008...

The year is almost about to come to a close. There's hardly two weeks left. So I guess this is the right time to have a traditional, yearly round up. Well, the problem is, no one seems to have prepared a roundup, so I'm stuck with my own, cooked up version. Still, the events that I'll remember this year for, are probably the ones you'll remember it for as well...

Moment #8: The Matrix Meets The Shoethrower
December 15, Baghdad
I've already talked about this, and all of you must've read about it yourself. Still, take a look at my earlier post...

Moment #7: The Human Fish
August 17, Beijing
Most of us dont read the newspapers daily. Those who do, read only the Sports page. Yet all of us had a glance of a 6 foot 4 inch, muscular Michael Phelps, who treated the swimming pool like his backyard playground. The guy was a bit too greedy, dont you think? Not one, not two....but eight gold medals in one go. Kind of pissed off the other swimmers, I think. Still, most of us will remember his name for a few years to come...

Moment #6: Too Many Tubes For A Proton
September 10, Geneava
For a Commerce student like me, it did take more than a few seconds to register the problem. As far as I was aware, a whole lot of scientists were gathering, after spending billions of dollars, just so that they could get a few protons to collide. Sounded like child's play at first. Then when someone said that it could create black holes, the smile on my face vanished. It was funny to read about how Stephen Hawkings went around telling that nothing would happen. And then change the channel and see ten other scientists say that we're doomed. I couldnt decide whether to be scared or relieved. Finally I changed the channel and watched some movie...Still, if something goes wrong, or right, we'll remember this date...

Moment #5: FedEx Vs. Rafa
July 6, Wimbledon
I'm not a fan of Tennis. But even then, I couldnt help but hear about, "The Greatest Tennis Match of All Time". Wimbledon 2008 could have been Roger Federer's 6th consecutive title. Instead, it became Rafael Nadal's first. The score line (6-4. 6-4, 6-7, 6-7, 9-7) reflected the length of the match (the longest at 4 hours and 48 minutes). I wish Roger Federer had won. Still, you have to admire the guy, who came so close to winning, and then said in his loser's speech, "Rafa played amazingly. I congratulate him on his victory. And, I'll be back next year." That's called humility and determination...

Moment #4: Why So Serious?
July 18, Worldwide
Rarely has a movie captured the world's attention so much. The Dark Knight was, quite simply, a great movie. But what was more mesmerising than the movie itself, was it's villain. A character that we admired, and feared at the same time. They dont make good villains anymore. One of the best was The Joker. Heath Ledger, in his last completed role, did an amazing job. He made us remember the character, even after the movie was over. Even after the actor who portrayed the character, passed away...

Moment #3: India In Space
October 22, Outer Space
In a purely patriotic tone, I'm proud that India has finally been able to launch its Chandrayaan into outer space. Oddly though, Sachin Tendulkar's 41st century must have grabbed more headlines than this acheivement. Still, it's something that Indians can all take pride in...

Moment #2: Terror In Mumbai
November 26, Mumbai
There have been more than a handful of terrorists attacks in India, particulary over the last two years. Yet, nothing has wreaked more havoc, than the terrorist attacks carried out on the fateful November 26th. There are many things we can think of doing in the aftermath of it all : Lighting candles to show solidarity, Vent our fury at the politicians, Demand a change in leadership, Declare war on neighbouring countries. But the innocent souls lost that night, will be lost forever...

Moment #1: "Yes We Can!"
November 4, Washington
One of the most popular chants in recent times was "Yes We Can!". An amazing orator brought out his vision, accompanied with this ralliying cry, as a result of which, Barack Obama will become the 44th President of USA. Never before, atleast in recent history, has the world welcomed a President Elect with such happiness. But then again, anyone who follows Mr. Bush, can expect a fair amount of welcome...

These were the finest or most darkest moments of 2008. These are the moments which we'll remember 2008 for...

16 December 2008

The Matrix Meets The Shoethrower

I hope I'm not too late in telling this...but did you see the guy who threw the shoe at Bush?

Firstly, I've realised that I must be one of the few people left to talk about the shoe throwing. Why? Check Youtube, and you'll realise just how famous Mr. Bush's dodging tactics were. The video received one million views within one day. I repeat. One Million Views, withing One Day!

But what really fascinated me, was the President himself. I dont know how old he is, but certainly more than 45 right? Even then, I was impressed by the way he dodged the journalist's shoe. Really good reflexes. Wonder if they train the Presidents in such matters...

Still, one pessimistic American's comment caught my attention. "The journalist couldnt even hit Bush on the face? What on earth is he worth for then?".

Imagine the Journalist for a second. I'm presuming he's going to be thrown into prison. Boy, he's going to have one hell of a time. Sitting between Murderers and Robbers, he's going to be asked, "What are you in for?"

"Well....err...you know...I threw two, not one, shoes at President Bush!"

The Iraqi prisoners, obviously impressed, would say, "Wow, what happened then?"

"Err....well, the thing is....he kind of....dodged the shoes." Man, those prisoners are going to be pissed off. The Journalist will be cursing his bad aim, for a long, long time....

13 December 2008

Searching For The Best Moments In Life

I was going through the blogosphere (meaning random blogs on the net), when I stumbled upon a blog by Mr. Hemant Kumar. I dont know him at all, but I took the liberty of reprinting a post which he put up on his blog. Dont think I'm plagarising anything. Just wanted you to take a look at this.

It's a list of the Best Moments in Life. And the best thing about it, is that it isnt complete. I need your help in completing it. Take a look at the list, and choose 2 - 6 of the Moments you like the best. And then, try to add your own. After a week or two, if there are enough entries, I'll edit the list and publish it again. Besides, I'll even give you credit for the Moments you've suggested to the list.

Besides, in order to make this blog more interesting, it would be good if you could leave your comments and thoughts. I dont mind even if they're anonymous, just as long as they're good and thought provoking...

One more thing...the Moments which are highlighted in black are my personal favourites!

Some of the Best moments in life
  1. To fall in love.
  2. To laugh until it hurts your stomach.
  3. To find mails by the thousands when you return from a vacation.
  4. To go for a vacation to some pretty place.
  5. To listen to your favorite song in the radio.
  6. To go to bed and to listen while it rains outside.
  7. To leave the! Shower and find that the towel is warm.
  8. To clear your last exam.
  9. To receive a call from someone, you don't see a lot, but you want to.
  10. To find money in a pant that you haven't used since last year .
  11. To laugh at yourself looking at mirror, making faces. :)))
  12. Calls at midnight that last for hours. :))
  13. To laugh without a reason.
  14. To accidentally hear somebody say something good about you.
  15. To wake up and realize it is still possible to sleep for a couple of hours.
  16. To hear a song that makes you remember a special person.
  17. To be part of a team.
  18. To watch the sunset from the hill top.
  19. To make new friends.
  20. To feel butterflies In the stomach every time that you see that person.
  21. To pass time with your best friends.
  22. To see people that you like, feeling happy.
  23. To use a sweater of the person that you like and find that it still smells of their perfume.
  24. See an old friend again and to feel that the things have not changed.
  25. To take an evening walk along the beach.
  26. To have somebody tell you that he/she loves you.
  27. To laugh .......laugh........and laugh ...... remembering stupid things done with stupid friends.
These are the best moments of life.... Lets learn to cherish them.

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a gift to be enjoyed"

"A true friend is someone who reaches your hand and touches your heart..."

By Hemant Kumar,

10 December 2008

Reasons To Live

What I'm about to say, may seem too serious to some of you. Others may interpret it wrongly. Still, with the confidence that you'll understand the meaning of what I'm about to say, let me start...

The majority of the readers of this blog are teenagers (sadly, I fear they are the only readers...). And it's all well known that teenagers have mood swings, moments of pure happiness, and days of complete depression.

Well....what about suicide?

Dont take me wrongly. I never said that every teenager has contemplated suicide. But I've talked to enough number of people, to realise that this is a common phenomenon. Many of us have thought about just ending it all (agreed, most of us just think about it, and then drop the thought, laughing at the stupidity of it all...). But what if we dont drop it? What if the thought snow balls?

Teenage suicide is now one of the biggest dangers that society faces. The causes are varied:
  • First, and most troublesome of all, is failure in studies. This doesnt mean failing, or getting expelled from school. For a school topper, an answer sheet with 60% on it itself is devastating.
  • Parental pressure.
  • Friendship. Loss of friendship, through fights and arguments. Most of the time, suicides could be avoided if person had close friends to rely on.
  • Other, specific reasons.
Maybe I'm being too far fetched by saying we should all guard ourselves against suicides. But what if all the reasons for you to be happy, vanish? What if you no longer have anything to look forward to? Nothing to keep you happy? What happens then?

Going on with this topic might be depressing, for me, as well as for you. I apologize if such a post offends or disturbs you. But I will say this before signing off...

Most of the teenage suicides that happened, took place after the victim withdrew from his or her friends and family. Make sure you keep your friends close, your family even closer. You might be able to help them if anyhting happens. What's more, they might be able to help you if suicide ever crosses your mind.

Let's pray that never happens...

Read my poem about Teenage Suicide - "Me And My Decisions".

Me And My Decisions....

I have a story to tell,
One that you should listen,
It's not about a boy and a girl,
It's about me and my decisions.

I was once like you,
With absolutely nothing to do,
Except carry a schoolbag on my shoulder,
And a cap on my head.

Time changes quickly,
Years pass by in a second,
I went from being the topper in Grade One,
To the drop out in Grade Ten.

I had no home,
Only a house to live in.
A place where parents would curse me,
And wonder why I wasnt studiying.

Life seemed hard,
My world seemed cruel,
So what better thing to do,
Than to end it, once and for all?

Now I wonder what it was,
That made me jump,
Poor grades, shouting parents,
Or just myself?

Because now, when I think about it,
Life wasnt so bad,
All I had to do was study,
And never make my parents sad.

Instead here I am,
Staring at the ceiling,
Wondering how life would be,
If I hadnt been complaining.

I wish I can stop you,
From doing what I did,
But how can I, when I'm paralysed.
From the toes till my hip.

I jumped from the top,
Of a five storey building,
I hit the ground,
But my heart kept beating.

They rushed me to the hospital,
Attempted suicide, the nurse said.
The doctor looked at me sadly,
He knew my fate even before I did.

I saw my mother,
Weeping profusely,
My father was stronger,
He tried to save me.

But not even the best of doctors,
or the strongest of medicines,
Could undo my mistakes,
And make me walk once again.

So for the rest of my life now,
I'll meet more people like you,
And to them I'll say,
What I've just told you.

I have a story to tell,
One that you should listen,
Its not about a boy or a girl,
It's about me and my decisions...

06 December 2008

Read This...Or Else You're Cursed!

Let me ask you a question:

How many times have you received an email which asks you to do something, or else face the consequences? How many times have you been told to forward a mail to these many people, or else have bad luck for countless number of years? How many times have you been cursed to…die?

And still, you’re reading this blog, aren’t you?

I don’t get it. Which pea brained retard actually thought that people would die if they didn’t forward emails or do as they were told? Maybe all this was actually started by a witch or a voodoo magician. Well, if that’s the case, it looks like his powers aren’t working anymore.

Look at the statistics. Most of you have been online for around four years now. You receive such kind of mails atleast once a month. That means you’ve been cursed to have bad luck or death or leprosy (or whatever it is that they’ve cursed you for), atleast 48 times.

Don’t you think it should have worked atleast once by now?

Now here’s what really irritates me. I don’t mind the jobless, completely insane people who actually click “Compose Mail”, and then go through the entire creative process just to bring out this kind of emails. What I do mind, are those even more jobless people, who read such mails, then click the “Forward Mail” button, and then send it to all their contacts.

I’m assuming you’re one of them. Cmon, if you can do such a silly thing, you can definitely comment on my blog more often, cant you? Or should I curse you to have a lifetime of bad luck?

Let me give you an alternative. You know how you get those sick mails in which they say, “Hey, You are my friend. Send this mail to all your friends. If I am one of them, send this mail to me. If you get 10 mails, you’re popular. If you get 7 to 9 mails, you’re….”.

Instead of ignoring these kind of mails, do something different. The next time you see your friend online, or in school, or anywhere else, go up to him or her, and tell them how good they are. Don’t flatter them. Just let them know how you feel about them.

If you’re a guy whose afraid what other guys might think of you, just say what John Abraham said to Abhishek Bachan before he hugged him: “Dude, don’t take this the wrong way, but I love you!”.

Let your friends know how special they are to you. If you don’t do that, I’m sorry, but I really don’t think you’ll have bad luck in your life. But you know what? If you do this….you’re life’s going to be a lot better than it already is. That, I’m sure of…

05 December 2008

A Night of Make-up, Ketchup, and Friendship!

For the sake of my readers, let me tell you that this post, is going to be unbelievably long...

Yesterday, 4th December, 2008, was one the most memorable days of my life. It was the day when my friends and I staged the play, "Julius Caesar", for our school's annual day.

Everything started in the typical excited fashion. We began wearing our costumes, some looking awkward, others looking better than normal. It was good to see Senators wear loose fitting robes along with a satin clothe draped around their bodies. The Guards looked like guards. The fishermen almost looked like real fishermen, thanks entirely due to their fishing nets.

That's when things went upside down a little. Our slighty overzeleous Makeup man, decided to - literaly - give us a new look. Funny looking guys were turned into brooding, fake beard donning men. Those who were supposed to look arrogant (for example Caesar himself)....ended up looking like a cute, entirely harmless, grown up doll.

Still, with layers of make up stuck to our faces, and lipstick on our lips (oh yes, even Caesar liked to dress up as a girl, it seems..), we were ready to put up our final show.

One thing remained....the blood that was needed in the assasination scene. That, would be courtesy of Heinz Tomato Ketchup, it turned out. The ingenious idea, was to put an unsealed packet of Tomato Ketchup, beneath my robe, so that the first evil Senator who stabs me (with a fake plastic knife, mind you), would splatter ketchup over my robe. Ta ta`, we would get a blood soaked Caesar!

It was a risky deal, though. What if the ketchup packet fell off my robe, and landed on the stage floor? Meaning when they stab me, I would step on the ketchup. It would be quite distrubing if Caesar's feet started bleeding when they stabbed his chest.

Yet, everything went well. The ketchup oozed out slowly, so that by the time they were done with me, there was ketchup all over my chest. That was fine. The problem started when I lay on the floor, pretending to be dead. Do you know how repulsive it is to smell ketchup, literally under your nose?

I think I developed a dislike for ketchup after that. There was ketchup all over the robe. Some wiseguy wanted to get some french fries...

But the best part of the play, was what happened after it was over. We all headed to the green room, and with half removed beards, messsed up makeup, and a little bit of ketchup remaining, rejoiced at the success of the play.

That's what struck me the most. It took around two months of regular practices and extra time at school, just to put up this play of ours. Yet, during that time, a lot of things changed. People who barely knew each others names, became friends. Guys who had a mutual dislike towards each other, began laughing together. We became closer, better friends.

And that's what lasts. The make up is washed off within a few hours. The stink of ketchup dies down within a few days. But the friendships we've made. They're just going to get better...

I would like to thank everyone who made this experience memorable. Thanks for the memories, guys!

02 December 2008

Revisiting Taare Zameen Par

I recently had the good fortune to once again see "Taare Zameen Par", the masterpiece of filmmaking by Aamir Khan. And though the movie still awes me the way it did almost one year ago, this time around, I realised some of the most important messages which the movie gives us.

As Aamir Khan stands in Ishant Avasthi's living room, looking out through the window, his words reflect a bitter reality:

"Everyone wants to grow toppers and rankers in their homes. Everyone wants the No.1 position. Doctors, Engineers, Management; anything less than that is unacceptable. 95.5%, 95.6, 95.7. Everyone's busy counting the marks. Isnt it? Please, think about it. Every child has his own qualities, own expertise, own desire. But no, everyone is busy stretching the finger to make it long. Keep on doing that; no matter even if you break the fingers..."

We all know that this is how many parents - advertently or inadvertently - behave with their kids. But now, it looks like a new trend is emerging. Are we ourselves thinking this way? Are we becoming race horses, stuck in a never ending race? Sure, the world is competitive. There's no denying that studies are important. But to what extent? Arent there things greater than a report card or an MBA certificate?

Things like love, friendship, compassion? Maybe these may seem old fashioned to some of you. But sooner or later, when the race is finally over, what will remain? Certainly not your ranks and merits. They can only get you so far...

Watch Taare Zameen Par again if you have to. It will open your eyes, the way it did for me. And think of what Aamir Khan says. "We're busy stretching each finger, to make them longer. And we wont stop, even if the fingers finally break."
I hope that doesnt happen to us....

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01 December 2008

The "My-World-Generation"

I got a brillaint brain wave. In the following post, I'm going prove to you, how excatly, you are an egoistic, self centred, braggart. Excited! So am I...

So here goes...

Proof #1: MSN Display Names
Have you realised just how many people use MSN to complain, whine and show off about themselves? How many times have you read such Display Names like "Got 1st in (so and so competition)! Yippe!" or "Bought GMC Yukon!" or "92% in my Exams....yay!". My personal favourite is "Hurray! Finally got my own N95 mobile!".

Proof #2: Facebook Picture Albums
Am I the only one who finds it weird, or is uploading 50 pictures of a get together kind of stupid? Well, you could justify by saying that those pictures hold a lot of memories, and hence, must be shared. Fine. What about those 30 to 60 picture albums....of ONE person? And most of them taken when the self centered author is wearing the same clothes? That, according to me, is more than just cherishing memories.

Proof #3: Inboxes and Contacts
I've never actually wanted to be friends with a complete stranger from Tokyo. But some people really do think that's cool. What's more, they seem to think the amount of emails they receive (doesnt matter if 95% of them are forwards....and the other 5% are spam!), really shows how popular they are. And I'm sure you've come across people in Facebook and Orkut who tell you something like : "Hey, I'm your best friend's brother's classmate...ADD ME PLEASE!". To them, the number of contacts or "friends" they have...really does matter.

Proof #4: Blogs and Bloggers
For those of you who are thinking that I'm pointing the finger at others, here's the last proof. Some people create a blog (or half a dozen of them) and then go around asking others to comment. Even when there is nothing respectable to comment about. Here's where I'm guilty as charged.

But hey, whoever said we were perfect right? It'll be fun to know how many of you are like me, part of the "My-World-Generation". Where everything is about "I, Me or Mine". So do let me know through the comment box. Comments criticising this post, are welcome. Doesnt mean they'll be displayed, ofcourse!

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"What's Up With Your Hairstyle?"

One day, I was sitting in class, talking with my buddies, when one particular wiseguy stops talking, and looks at my hair (as though expecting a squirrel to pop out). After a moment's pause, he asks me.

"What's up with your hair?"

Now what am I supposed to reply to that?

"Oh, nothing. He's just pissed off with me today. He wanted me to use the conditioner instead of hair gel..."

Instead, I asked nervously. "Err...what's wrong with it?"

He looks at my hair, as though hesitant to break the bad news to me. "Well....you know...it's just...so weird!" And before I knew it, everyone else who was talking to me starts conducting a workshop on how to critically analyse my hairstyle.

Now, I do know that I possess an unbelievable horrible hairstyle. But cmon, some people just arent lucky enough. And it's not like I havent tried to correct it.

Till my 12th year of existence, I never had any problem with my hairstyle. That was because till then, I had the default hairstyle (the one I was born with). But for some reason, I decided to change my hairstyle, and from then onwards the problem began.

So what does a 21st century, television watching, self conscious boy like me do? I try to use all types of hair gels available to contain my hairstyle. And you wouldnt believe the amount of hair gels they produce nowadays.

What's the difference between Strong Hold and Mega Hold? How is Wet Look so different from Soft Look? And worst of all....why doesnt any of these gels work on my hair?

So unless they invent a new gel that has "Unbelievable Hold", or until I go completely bald, I'll still have to hear people say.

"What's up with your hairstyle?"

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29 November 2008

Think of Ajay...

Perhaps it's because of the recent attacks on Mumbai, or perhaps it's because I havent been feeling especially humourous lately. What ever the reason, I've decided to ask you, and myself, a relatively tough question. What would you do, if you were in the position of Ajay?

Read this partly fictionalised story, inspired from a true event in Mumbai...

An 18 year old named Ajay, who was staying in the Taj Hotel in Mumbai, witnessed the hostage attempt. Knowing that he didnt have much time left, he hid himself in his hotel room, and called his parents. Taking all the time he could, he talked to every one of his family members. He wasnt sure he would live to see another day. And sadly, he didnt. After the phone conversation, his family members never heard from Ajay again.

Now here's my question, the answer to which, even I am not sure of. What would you do if you were in Ajay's position? Wouldnt you also want to talk to all your loved ones? Wouldnt you want to tell them just excatly what they mean to you? Sure you would. Well, what if you are going to be in Ajay's position? What if you wont get the small relief which Ajay got?

None of us can say when we'll bid farewell to this world. Maybe two months from now, maybe tomorrow. And if that happens, wouldnt you want to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you?

Stop reading this blog. You dont even have to comment, if you dont want to. But let your family, and your friends, know what they mean to you. Or else, it might be too late...

Think of Ajay....

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28 November 2008

My Editor - In - Chief

There are some times in my life, when I think that I'm a complete idiot.

Okay. Fine, there are many times in my life when I've thought that. Still, once such time, was two days back. Here's why.

There is a friend of mine, and as is with all such "My-Friend" stories, I'll give him a fictious name, Victor. Now this guy, is perhaps my only online buddy (since I'm strongly against being friends with people you dont know in person.) And the reason I'm mentioning him is, he's my Editor-in-Chief.

Alright, not officially or anything. I dont pay him a dime. Yet, he's the guy who's heard all my stories before they became stories. He's the guy who criticised me, and hence saved me from hearing criticism from others. He's the guy who helped me become a better writer.

And what did I do in return? I forgot to keep in touch with him, or even read his blog once in a while.

But now I guess I should make amends. And also realise that many a times, I do behave wrongly with my buddies. But it's never too late to apologize, is it?

26 November 2008

The Weirdest Guiness World Records

It's a glorious day, and just the right time....to set a Guiness World Record!

What's with my sudden inspiration? Well, the truth is, on November 27th, we (as in me and 2,499 other people) are going to set a Guiness World Record. How? By each one of us running 100 metres around a 400 metre running track.

I know. Breathtaking right? I mean....that's like....what the hell, how on earth can that be a world record?! Look at it this way. Supposing we do set this record (after all the hardwork and dedication and endurance of human spirit blah blah blah), what happens then?

I'll tell you. In some remote corner of the world, perhaps in a village in Sarajevo, or a town in Mogadishu, approximately 2400 people will be clamouring, (perhaps for food aid, or distribution of clothes or something...), when all of a sudden, one bright fellow will realise:
"Wait a minute. We are almost on the verge of breaking a world record! Alright everyone, silence, silence, guess what! If we take a bamboo stick, arrange ourselves in a line, and then run with the stick, for 100 metres, we'll have broken the world record!"
Another bright yet cynical fellow would have thought excatly what you were thinking:
"Come on! You gotta be kidding. This is the dumbest world record I can think of!"
Of course, the moment the Guiness World Record judges arrive, they'd have realised it was all far from a joke...
Anyways, that set me thinking. Could this really be true? I mean, have we advanced so much that we cant think of any better world records to search. I reflected upon this deeply, and turned towards my mentor, my guide....Google Search.
And guess what? You'd be shocked at how absolutely retarded the Guiness guys actually are. Here are a list of my favourite Guiness World Records:
  1. The biggest number of rattlesnakes in one's mouth
  2. The most number of people inside a Mini-Cooper (21, if you're trying to break it...)
  3. The hairiest family (I know, makes you wish you hadnt waxed right?)
  4. The most number of feet sniffed ("In a 15-year career, Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5,600 feet while working for footcare experts Dr Scholl in the USA" - Good thing he never sniffed my leg!)
  5. The most watches eaten ("Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1hr 34mins in 1998" - That must be one punctual chap!)  
That's all I can offer right now. If you came across any crapier world records, do let me know. I might even try my hand at breaking a few of the records. Till then, I should be proud to be part of the world recording setting team....that did absolutely nothing other than run with a baton in their hand!

21 November 2008

Julius Caesar 1.5

Recently, I had a leg injury, which forced me to wear a plaster case (made out of fiber-glass, mind you!), everywhere I went.

As if this wasnt enough, I was also cast as Julius Caesar in the play..."Julius Caesar".

No, they didnt choose a limp to play the role intentionally. Which was why the Drama Teacher was visibly alarmed when he saw me limp into the practise hall, prepared with my dialogue.

"How long will it take for the plaster case to be removed?" He asked.

I told him excatly what my Doctor told me. "More than a week before the play is to be staged sir. There wont be a problem..."

Which set me thinking. What if there is a problem. What if I have to act, with the plaster case, and the fabulous limp? Well, then the play would have a few alterations, such as...

(Cassius, the main Conspirator, who wants to assasinate Julius Caesar, is worried since Julius Caesar hasnt arrived at the Senate...)

Cassius: Where on earth is Caesar. He's twenty minutes late!

Brutus: For god sakes Cassius, dont be such a jerk. He's got a limp. I heard they're carrying him here on a Stretcher.

Cassius: Oh God! On a stretcher? How on earth are we going to assasinate him --

(Julius Caesar enters, in a stretcher, carried by four of his friends. They look really pissed off. They werent told they would have to carry the guy they're going to kill)

The thirteen Senators: All hail Caesar!

Caesar: (in a really bad mood because of his leg) Ya ya whatever. Cinna, Casca, massage my feet would you. God, it's still paining so badly!

(Casca and Cinna hide their daggers, look irritatedly at Cassius. Cassius shrugs his shoulders and signals them to do as they're told...)

Metillus: (kneeling down, ready to stab Caesar) O Caesar --

Caesar: Just a minute Metillus. If you dont mind, could you pass me that glass of wine?

Metillus: (looking stunned) Err-- ofcourse. Why not...(he leans across and gets the glass of wine for Caesar)

Cassius: (getting increasingly irritated by the failure of his plan) CAESAR! I REQUEST YOU TO FREE PUBLIUS CIMBER!

Caesar: (enraged and surprised) What! (He jumps up from the stretcher, and glares at Cassius)

Casca: (taking the signal from Cassius) Now my hands will speak for -- (He moves forward and accidently steps on Caesar's leg)

(Caesar roars out in pain, and begins to hop on one leg. The Conspirators are baffled. They watch him hop around. Finally, Caesar's head hits the lamp holder, he tumbles down to the statue of Pompey, and lies still.)

(There is complete silence for a moment.)

(Every one looks towards Cassius.)

Cassius: Crap man! What the hell do we do now?

Brutus: He's dead right? That's what we wanted....so....

Casca and Cinna: (very vaguely, confused and unsure) Liberty? Freedom? Err....Tyranny is over?

Cassius: (still shocked) Hmm....listen. Some of you, you know, go to the pulpit and tell them...

Metillus: Tell them what?

(Complete silence. No one has an answer...)

The END.

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Me and Dostana...

Let me be philosophical again...

Right now, there are two kinds of people in the world, (or atleast in India...)

  1. The people who have seen Dostana,
  2. The people who are waiting to see Dostana
Forgive me if you think it's lame of me to think so, but there's a reason.

Just yesterday, many of my friends went to see Dostana. They loved it. What was more, they actually told me how good the movie was. As if to emphasis my misery, they concluded by saying what any person in my positing would dread to hear: "Man! You should have been there! You missed it!"

The reason I missed it, is a completely different story. A really evil minded basketball player pushed me to the ground, at excatly the same time as when my ankle was twisted. Hence, my ligaments couldnt take the abuse any longer. I was to put a plaster case, (the doctor tried cheering me up by saying it was made of Fiber Glass...Wow! Lucky Me!).

So to cut a long story short....I am stuck at home, unable to venture to the theatres or shopping malls. And right now, there are three things I am praying for:
  1. The Hollywood and Bollywood Box Office Should not release any more blockbuster movies for the next two weeks, until my leg is healed (asking a little too much? I thought so...)
  2. My trusted file sharing software (Limewire and Ares) should be able to find a decent, pirated copy of Dostana (one which doesnt have idiotic cinema viewers getting up in the middle of the movie).
  3. My leg gets healed soon.
Until then, do yourself a favour. Go watch Dostana. Laugh out loud. Think of how good the movie is. And then, if you are in a really evil mood....tell me just how good it is.

Meanwhile, I'm still searching for copy of Dostana to download.....

12 September 2008

See Half The Movie....Or Get A Refund?

Many have told me, that I am sometimes too philosophical. I'll take that as a compliment, thank you.

So here's a question for my fellow philosophical friends (though the dim-wits can listen if they want to!)

Imagine you are really waiting to see a blockbuster movie. You've counted down the days till the release of the movie and did advancing booking for your tickets. In short you're really excited. Then, when you reach the ticket counter, the man inside looks at your ticket and says : "I'm sorry, but you'll only be able to watch half the movie. Do you still want to watch it, or get a refund for the ticket?"

Now this might seem like a ridiculous question to ask. But what would you do? See the movie, or get a refund?

Here's why I asked this. What if you could become best friends with a person whom you really like. But the catch is, after you two have become best buddies, he will be saying farewell to you. If you knew this before hand, that is, before becoming best friends with him, would you still want to go ahead and become best friends?

If you did go ahead and become best friends, you would go through the pain of parting ways and saying good byes.

If you didnt go ahead, you could avoid the pain.....and never feel the joys of having a great friend.

So what would you do? See half the movie....or get a refund?

Tell me through the comment section, because I'm dying to know....

31 August 2008

The First Laptop Diary Post...

Dear LG,

I think I should be frank with you. I dont think it's good to hide such important stuff. You must've noticed that I havent been typing for a while (Obviously, since you're the laptop...)

The thing is, I guess I'm having Blogger's Block right now. I'm feeling incapable of writing a proper post, just like you sometimes are incapable of opening My Documents ( I hate that, by the way!). Anyways, school is becoming hectic. I wonder whether I'll be able to cope with the studies. Sometimes I feel the load is too much. That I wont be able to understand it all. Now I know how you felt when you were being compared to Acer and Dell. They're way out of you're league....

Anyways, maybe I'll start writing soon. I hope you're going to be done with the formatting thing by then. Take your time. This is the fourth formatting that you've had. I dont like installing things back in place, even if you seem to enjoy it!

By the way....please do something about the keys. I cant seem to type the T's.

Your Owner.

This is an experimental new post, part of a new series aptly titled : The Laptop Diary. I do know it hasnt reached it's potential, but give it a try. Do let me know how it sounds....

22 August 2008

Subscribe Now!

Dear Reader,

Instead of visiting this Blog every now and then, now you can receive timely updates in your inbox itself. It's called Subscription, and if you Subscribe now, you'll get....(well, you'll get free posts, that's all for now.)

All you have to do is click the link below, and submit your email address. From then onwards, you'll know excatly when I've put up something new (rather than me having to bully you to read...)

Click here to Subscribe...

Thank you, and if you have any problem with the subscription....let me know!

Welcome to Laptop Diary

Dear Reader,

Presuming that you're reading my blog for the first time, I hope I'll be able to tell you why exactly this site isnt a waste of your time.

Laptop Diary, is a blog where I, a 17 year old teenager, comments about Life as such. Nothing extremely philosophical, nor shockingly boring. Mostly there are humorous stories from my past, re edited parodies of Julius Caesar, quiet contemplation about Mumbai Attacks, short stories and the occasional diary entries to my dear Laptop.

So if you're wondering where to start from, here's my advice. If you're the impatient, rarely impressed kind, here are my top 15 posts:
#15 - What's Wrong With My Hello?

Please comment if you like the posts, or else just rate them. Also, if you've liked the blog, it's usually a huge confidence booster for me when you subscribe for future posts. And lastly, if you're here to spend a little more time, then feel free to read my blog from the very first.

That's all from me. Go on now, hope you enjoy Laptop Diary.

How I Got My Dimples

When I grow up, if I turn into a public speaker, I swear to God I will tell this story in front of every audience (and probably get a standing ovation for that as well!). What is the story? It's about how I got my dimples. One clue. I didnt have them on my 4th birthday. I had two of them on my 5th. Intrigued?

Let's go to the story, shall we? First the scene. It's a bathroom (hold on, you perverts. The bathroom door is open...). My Mother is bathing me (dont expect to tease me with this. Your Mom must've bathed you too when you were 5 years old.)

To fully understand what happens next, you should know the following:
  1. I had come home from Kindergarden. I was sweating and thus needed a bath.
  2. My Mother was using a soap to bath me (like duh!).
  3. The Tub had a kind of dumpy elevation in the front part (those who really are into this story, take a break and check out your bathtub. My guess is, it will have those same elevated bumpy stuff too.)
Now, as my Mother is bathing me, there's soap all over my body. So what happens is, I slip because my feet are soapy, and I land on the bathtub floor. Here is the main point of the story. As I fall, I slam my (left side) cheek onto the bumpy stuff. And then I cry and blah blah blah.

Guess what happened then. It turns out there is an impression on my left as well as right cheeks (the impact was that great..) By an impression, I mean, like how the moon has a lot of impressions on it. In other words....er.....holes. Alright, I'm not crazy, but the truth is, there were deep, hole like thingys on both my cheeks.

What my worried Mother and not so worried Father does, is go to a few doctors and get me some oinments. The Docs all said that the deep, hole like impressions would slowly heal. Well, atleast I have that as proof. The next time you see me, watch closely. My left cheek has a dimple. My right cheek apparently doesnt.

Normally, things arent like that my friend....

So all I'm saying is.....Would you like some Dimples?

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21 August 2008

The Mallu Who Lived

I'm going to talk about the day that I almost died....

(All you cynical readers out there, dont rejoice yet. I said almost. But not quite. I'm still alive and kicking...)

The day was a long time ago. Back then, I was a 5 or 4 year old kid, enjoying my time in India. When the action starts, I'm in the front porch of my house, jumping around, making odd noises, and you know, playing with my lips (that was my way of enjoying.) Just then, my Mom got hold of me, and gave me some cough syrus (for my cough, obviously.) She saw that I had some peanuts in my mouth, but didnt bother about it. I didnt either. I just continued jumping around and making noises. Little did I know that those peanuts would kill me....almost.

Two days later, we all went to the doctor, (well I didnt want to go. I wanted to play with my lips and make odd noises...but who listens to me anyway!). My Mom just mentioned to the Doc that I had some peanuts in my mouth when she was giving me my cough syrup. The Doc (being one of the few good ones in India at that time) told that we should check it out immediately. I wasnt so enthusiastic about any of it, but before I could voice my opinion, they stuck a needle into me and gave me anesthetics. I dont remember anything after that.

Turns out, something bad happened. Now listen carefully, since this is the technical part of the story. It seems that after having the cough syrup, the peanuts got quite confused about which pipe to go down, and went through the wind pipe instead (I know, such retarded nuts!). What happened then, was that the peanuts ended up in my lungs. Not the ideal place for digestion, you'll agree.

The Doc was frantic about it all (I was unconsious...). He said that if the peanuts moved a bit more down my lungs, it would block the alveoli or something. I would just end up on the table, chocked to death, though it would be peaceful (since I was unconsious...)

My Mom got ready for her part of the role, and quickly began crying. My Dad did what he was supposed to, and began pacing around the rooom. The Doc, who thankfully knew what he had to do, ordered a Bronchoscopy.

Now most of you dont know what that is. It's this cool procedure, where they send a tube down your lungs. Obviously they all wanted the peanuts out of my lungs.

My extended family and relatives all sat at home and began praying for me. My Mom turned up a gear and more tears started flowing. My Dad....well he was a bit tired from all the pacing around. He took a bit of rest.

To cut a long story short, they took the bloody retarded peanuts out of my lungs, threw them away, and I was woken up. I couldnt understand why everyone started hugging me after that. Years later, my Mom told me this fantastic story.

I read Harry Potter, and thought, 'He just survived a killing curse. I survived a handful of peanuts trying to choke me to death. I'm way cooler.'

That's why I say....I'm the "Mallu Who Lived..."

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19 August 2008

It's Brunch Time!

Let me tell you one of the highlights of my vacation. I slept at 2 in the morning, and woke up at 12 30 in the afternoon. Hmmm...So doesnt anyone besides me think that's kinda cool?

I realised that there are several benefits to waking up so late:
  1. You dont have to wake up early in the morning (Kind of obvious, but important nevertheless...)
  2. You get to same a lot of money on food, and you can even reduce weight.
Alright, the second point needs an explanation. After waking up, I thought about what I should eat. Breakfast or Lunch? For help, I turned to a friend of mine who has ample experience in this regard. The advice I got? Eat lunch, dumbo!

As I was happily eating lunch, I though about how good this was going to be for me. I could start a weight loss regime. The secret? Sleep early in the morning, and wake up in the afternoon. Hence you can skip a meal, and thereby reduce your weight!

Excitedly, I told my parents about my new found routine. They werent so happy. In fact, my Mom shouted at me. But hey, I was pretty happy. In fact, I decided to learn a new recipe for 'Brunch'. From now onwards, I would sleep at 2, wake up at 12 30.

It was all going fine. In fact I was having a dream about the perfect Brunch for me. Just when I felt someone give me a strong whack. I looked up, and saw my loving father. "Get up!" he said.

"Why?" I asked him. "Because you havent finished your holiday homework. Now get up and do something!"

I looked at the clock. It was 6: 15 A.M. Yawning badly, I got out of my bed.

So much for my Brunch recipe....

18 August 2008

My Movie Reviews...

I've always wanted to write movie reviews. In fact, this time around, I was inspired by Rajeev Masand, the top movie critic who decided the fate of Bollywood movies released every Friday.

So here goes my reviews. Criticism of my criticism is welcome.

Once Upon A Time....When I Was Cute

Now don't laugh at the title. It's true. Once upon a time, I was cute. But I've grown older, more rugged now. Too much time in the sun, too much time in the kitchen....all have made me loose my cuteness.

I wouldn't have complained about it, if it wasn't for an annoying picture. The picture of my 5 year old self.

You see, a few months back, I decided to put this ridiculously 'angel' like picture as my MSN Display Picture. The reason? I couldn't find any present day picture of mine that was socially acceptable. The problem is, I think I've become jealous...of my five year old self. It's true. And there's a reason too.

Every guy who chatted with me, asked me who the kid in the pic was. I said its me. What do I get in return? :-O. Or :P. Now that's insulting!

What's more, the girls who chatted with me, immediately asked, "Whose picture is that?". I replied, (blushing - though I was sitting in front of a laptop) "Err...that's my picture. When I was 5 years old."

"Oh cho chweeet!" they all say. (I don't know why, but apparently 'Cho Chweet' is better than 'So Sweet').

"Thank you. The picture looks cute right....just like how I look right now?" I added, feeling a bit pleased with myself. Strangely, they all quickly went off line after that. I wonder why....

So late at night, or early in the morning, I stand in front of my mirror, looking at the picture of my 5 year old self propped up in front of me, and think to myself, "Ah...the good old days...when I was cute."

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What's Wrong With My Hello?

What's wrong with my Hello?

Yup, I'd like to know that, thank you. At first I thought it was just some kind of a joke going around. But now I'm seriously taking up this issue.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the details.

Like any active teenager, I receive phone calls from my friends. While attending those phone calls, I - as per 21st century protocol - start by saying, "Hello."

And the smart mouth at the other end, starts his conversation by saying, "Ha! What kind of a Hello is that? Ha-lo? Don't you even know how to say Hello properly?"

I don't suffer from extremely low inferiority complex. But when a few guys, over the course of a few months, tell me the same thing, I start to feel bad about my "Hello".

So like any normal teenager trying to fit into society, I decide to improve on my hello...

"What's wrong with it?" I ask with concern. My friend likes the sudden authority he has. "Well, you sound as though you just came running to get the phone."

The next time the phone rang, I was at my study table. Getting up slowly, I hummed a tune, and slowly walked along the corridor. My mother started screaming at me to get the phone. Still breathing calmly, I neared the phone, took a short breath, and picked the receiver. The line was dead. Apparently I took a little more time than allowed.

My mother was furious at me. "Why on earth cant you pick the phone up quickly?" she asked.

I nodded my head. "You wont understand, mother. You wont understand."

This happened for about four times. Finally, I did dash to get the phone. Gasping for breath, I said, "Hello?"

It was the same smart mouth who hurt my self - esteem. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "I've been trying to call so long, and no one's picking the phone?"

I mumbled some excuse for that. "Anyways, leave that," he said. "Man, you're 'Hello' is so crap! Ha-lo? Ha ha..."

I tried a different style from then onwards. "Good Morning" was kinda good, until my friends started thinking they'd dialled the wrong number.

"Hi" was nice for some time, but somehow it never caught on. Finally, in an act of desperation, I picked the receiver once and said, "Yo!"

It was my biology teacher. After asking whether she had dialled the correct number, she wanted to speak to my mother. About ten minutes later, my mother came up to me, looking annoyed. "I just talked to your teacher now," she said. "Son, what's wrong with your hello?"

From then onwards, I seldom attend the phone....

Over and Out.

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17 August 2008

Singh is Kinng - Movie Review

I must admit that I have a prejudice against big budget, 'Masala' entertainers. Which is why I would have never wanted to watch Singh is Kinng. But I did. And I've changed my opinion about the movie a bit.

First, let me tell you what I thought Singh is Kinng would be like. I thought it would be a silly movie, filled with cheesy jokes, over the top action that didn't make sense, too many songs, James Bond like style from Akshay Kumar, and so on.

Now let me tell you what I saw. The movie isn't a masterpiece. Even the director himself would willingly agree. The question is, does it entertain? Hell ya!

The movie is funny at places, though not the kind which makes you roll on the floor. Yet, what I really appreciated about the movie, is that it doesn't bore you. Even when Akshay Kumar is showing his antics, you want to watch. You don't look at the floor, or stare at your watch, wondering if the time will pass more quickly. That's a great plus point.

And something that surprised me about the movie, is its presence of a heart. I mean, as I said, I knew the movie would entertain. But give a moral at the end? That's exactly what the movie does, though again, it sounds a bit melodramatic and preachy.

All in all, I would like to say that Singh is Kinng is a watchable movie. It has style, humor, and an engaging narrative. The plot isn't amazing, still the movie works. I wouldn't say this is a must watch, but if you happen to go to the theater with your friends, it wouldn't hurt to watch this movie.

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 3.5
Script: 3.5
Music: 4
Direction: 3.5
Choreography: 4
Overall: 3.5
Repeat Viewing Value: 1 - 2

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - Movie Review

There are some movies which stay in our hearts, months and years after we've seen them. Movies like Dilwale Dulhaniya..., Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, and so on, are memorable movies which we dont mind watching over and over again. Well, I would like to add one more name to the list. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na.

I'll first take shots at the critics of the movie, the fellows who say it's boring and a drag. Firstly, this isnt a typical action movie. There is no suspense, no thrilling sequences, no mystery. Any movie without these elements, cannot be interesting throughout its running time (there are a few exceptions, but I'm talking in general).

Therefore, please do excuse Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na for not being your normal thriller. In fact, I loved the way it weaved the story line, trying to make a normal love story as funny, and as heart warming as possible.

Most of you must have seen the movie. So I'll talk about why I liked it so much.

Narrative Technique: If I were to say that Jaane Tu is an original script, I wouldnt be able to continue reviewing movies much longer. I know that Jaane Tu is at heart, one of the most simplest and done to death topics in Bollywood. But have you noticed the different plot elements? Why was the character of Naseeruddin Shah kept in a picture frame? Why were Sohail and Arbaaz Khan shown travelling on horses? Why were the three requirements to become a Rathore so emphasised? Think about this, and you'll see that the director took an ordinary story, and told it in a not-so-ordinary way. That's the beauty of it all.

Music: No one will argue that the music of Jaane Tu isnt good. The songs are all excellent, but what's more, the sound track is amazing as well (especially when Jai stares at the inspector, or rides a horse to the airport).

Simplicity: I think we should all appreciate a simple story when we see it. At a time when audiences are getting tired of senseless action, over the top acting, and ridiculous melodrama, Jaane Tu is a change in every sense of the word.

All in all, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is a movie which was a blockbuster (it grossed over 50 crore rupees till date), as well as movie that was critically praised (not acclaimed, just praised. Not every critic, unfortunately, is like me!). What's more, the fan base of this movie is between 16 and 24 years of age.

If you havent seen the movie, please do see it. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe you wont. But I assure you, it's worth the gamble.

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 3.5
Script: 4
Music: 4.5
Direction: 4
Choreography: 3.5
Overall: 4
Repeat Viewing Value: 1 - 3

The Dark Knight - Movie Review

I wasn't too excited about seeing The Dark Knight. The only reason I did, was because I had a lot of time on my hands. But one thing is clear. I don't regret the decision.

To say The Dark Knight is the best movie that I've seen, is a bit of a lie. To say that it's an awesome movie, would be true. In fact, it's one of the few movies which I liked more and more, with every passing day after I had seen it.

It's too boring to tell you the plot, or the name of all the characters and actors. I'll dive right into why I liked the movie.

The story, is about how Batman begins to question whether he is the ideal hero for Gotham, or whether Harvey Dent - the District Attorney (played by Aaron Eckhart) could do a better job. That's when the menace of the Joker appears. As shown in the opening scenes, the Joker plans the robbery of a bank which was holding the Mob's money. Later, the Joker strikes a deal with the Mob. He will kill the Batman for them, in return for half their money.

What follows is an action packed movie, filled with menace, suspense and thrill. I don't want to give away any more plot details, so I'll talk about the best reason to watch The Dark Knight. One word. Joker.

Heath Ledger is an amazing actor, at least in the role of the Joker. Few villains can actually do more than produce an evil laugh. Heath Ledger can make even the most seasoned movie goer shudder. And he does it with style.

The catch phrase, "Why so serious?" and "Let's put a smile on your face", will stay in my mind for a long time.

If you're wondering whether or not to watch this movie, let me help you out. Watch it. Watch it, even if you're not a fan of Batman. Watch it even if you don't like action movies. Because, its worth it all when you see the Joker utter those heart stopping words.

"Why So Serious....?"

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 4
Direction: 4
Story: 3.5
Overall: 4
Repeat Viewing Value: 2 - 4

16 August 2008

Introducing Laptop Diary

Dear Reader,

I've finally cracked it. After months and months of thinking, I finally figured out how to write a blog of my own. This blog wont have stories, or poems, or serialized novels. All its going to have, is lots and lots of my ramblings (most of you should press Alt + F4 now...). For the rest of you, I'd like to share how exactly I got the name of this blog.

Writing a diary had always seemed like a cool idea. However, using pen and paper to do it, didn't seem so cool. Besides, I could type faster than I could write. Therefore, one day while I was brushing my teeth (I'm not trying to make this melodramatic, this actually happened), I realized that if I combined my desire to write a diary, with my ease of using a laptop, I could get the perfect blog. And viola! Introducing Laptop Diary.

Most of you will think it's a cheesy name. After I finished brushing that day, even I thought so. Still, I couldn't think of any other name to use. So from now on, whenever I get time, I'll be updating this blog with my thoughts. Whether you read it or not, will depend on how bored you are at that time (which is why I get the most traffic during the summer holidays!).

But let me tell you one thing. Don't ever read my blog, and NOT comment on it. And don't you dare comment on it in Orkut. I hate that.

Will be back for more. Till then.....go do something worthwhile....

Over and Out.

15 August 2008

A Blogger - Mind of a Visionary, Heart of a Wannabe

Dear Whoever,

I've finally got my first comment. Wow, this blog is just 4 hours old, and one guy's already commented on one of my posts ( the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves!). It's good to know atleast someone's reading....

By the way, all comments are welcome. Even criticism, though it's better to stay anonymous if you're giving any. Which brings me to my topic.


Almost any idiot can blog (how do you think I ended up here?). And again, almost every blogger wants his blog to be the most popular one. Now, I wish the NDTV reporter would, for once atleast, say, "...For more on those news and all our latest updates, please visit www.laptopdiary.blogspot.com - Oops, sorry!"

That five second publicity would be enough! Alright, back to reality. Most people who blog have a lot to say (I didnt include my name in the list.) But the problem is, how do you get people to read what you've written?

I got a few ideas of my own. I scream about my blog in my Orkut display name. Even paste it in my MSN Messenger Name. When that wasnt enough, I wrote a scrap to myself (yuck, how much cheaper can I get!), in which I said to the whole world where to find my blog.

I'm thinking of convincing my dad to get us an answering machine. Hopefully, without him knowing, I can record the message, "Hello, you have reached Azeez residence. After leaving your message, please do visit www.criesofateenager.blogspot.com. Thank you. And by the way, please comment!"

Sigh....I dont think my Dad's going to allow that. Which just proves my point. At heart, every blogger is a Wannabe. Including me. (Hey! That rhymed!)

And as per Rejin's advice, I've decided to drop the military style 'Over and Out'. Hmm....let's see...

"Adios Amigoes"(?)

Meeting Mummy (For the Third Time...)

Dear Reader (Do I always have to start like that?)

A few days ago, me and my friends went to see the third instalment of The Mummy. Although a much better movie, The Dark Knight was playing, we decided to watch the Mummy, since some of us had watched the crazy Joker's antics already.

We all went into the theatre, fully aware that Jet Li's Mummy act was panned by the critics. I have a nasty behaviour of checking Rottentomatoes.com (a movie review site), and they gave the movie a very poor rating. In fact, while the trailor was going on, I could mentally picturise the entire review that I read the day before.

And guess what? The movie wasnt bad. It wasnt the all time greatest movie. But it wasnt bad. It had action, romance, comedy, hell a lot of special effects. It was what we Indians call, 'time - pass' movie. Still, the time passed very qucikly.

I realised something as I came out of the theatre. If you have a really low expectation of a movie, you'll somehow end up being surprised. Which brings me to my next theory. I'm thinking of spending about a week reading the most critical reviews of Love Story 2050. After that, perhaps the movie will seem less horrible than it actually is?

I can hear you all say..."Nah!". I agree. Some movies, are just horrible. No matter how less your expectations are....

Over and Out.

11 June 2008

Your Faithful Guide

Dear Reader,

Just as I've done with my poems, I've decided to give you a synopsis of my short stories (since I'm perfectly aware that not even the most loyal reader of mine would want to waste their time reading some ridiculous stories...)

In Memory Of : One of my best short stories, as per my readers observation, this is the story that fetched me the first place in Young Times story writing competition. May not be all that great, still worth a read....

The King of Exams : A fast paced, merely entertaining read, about 20 students who decide to cheat in an examination. Their aim is to become 'The King of Exams'...

Heart Signed Out : Especially dedicated to friends of mine, who have been caught in the web of chatting...

A Train Ride : A story that is different from my usual style, this is quite more sentimental and emotional. Save it for the last, if you plan on listening to me.

An Airport Story : The first story of mine to be published, the story that made my friends and family realise that I was - or in the process of - being a budding author.

Brain Box : A science fiction story, which I didnt actually like after I wrote it...

The Party At Ten : My attempt at writing an Agatha Christie style story....failed miserably!

The Victory Bridge : This one is a kind of 'Oceans Eleven' story, without all the star cast involved. I liked the idea of it, but dont think its written properly enough...

04 March 2008

Top Rated Posts

This is a list of the Top Rated Posts of Laptop Diary, as chosen by the Author (meaning me!). If you would like to add any other post to this list, or remove a certain post that's not so deserving, leave a comment here. And this list will be continuosly updated, as and when I write a Top Rated Post.

One more thing...please do comment, or subscribe to the blog.

#15 - What's Wrong With My Hello?

10 February 2008

The King of Exams

The CBSE Tenth Standard Board Examinations is one of the toughest and most feared examinations, undertaken by Indian students all over the world.

The conventional way of passing this examination, is by memorizing hundreds of pages of facts, applying logic, and banking on a little bit of luck.

The unconventional way of passing?.was through cheating.

For the 2008 CBSE Tenth Standard Board Examinations, held in the month of March, 20 students decided to play a game called, ?The King of Exams?. The objective was simple. Use the best means possible, in order to pass all the examinations.

This is their story?

* * * * * * * *
Peter?s Point of View (P.O.V.)
8: 00 A.M.
The hall was silent, and the atmosphere was tense. I sat on the last bench in the left row, as far away from the invigilator as possible. And from where I was sitting, I could easily see what the others were up to.

Twenty students, I thought. All going to cheat.

The bearded, rather short invigilator looked at the clock, and declared. ?Start writing.?

I took out my pen, and did as I was asked?

* * * * * * * *
Philip?s P.O.V.
8: 15 A.M.
It was just as I expected. A piece of cake. Two days before this examination (our final, Science examination), I had begun my preparation.

I took out my ink pen, and making sure the Invigilator was still gazing out the window, I opened the ink pen, and took out the chits. For the next two minutes, I quickly memorized three answers. Just as the Invigilator turned around, I placed my ink pen back into my stationary box.

This was going to be exciting, I thought, as I quickly began writing?

* * * * * * * *

7: 15 A.M.

No one had noticed the blue colored van that stopped in front of the Examination centre, every day at 7: 15. So there was no chance of anyone wondering who the 20 students inside could be. For every examination, they would enter the building, and wait till their ?boss? handed them a piece of paper.

?Remember, act properly. Best of luck!? their ?boss? would say, before walking away?

* * * * * * * *
10: 15 A.M.

For some reason, Prashanth wasn?t feeling good. Of course, he had successfully copied enough. It was a piece of cake. All he had to do was write the answers on the black board, with invisible ink. It was a good thing his father was a chemist. As he had said, ?Phenolphthalein developed by ammonia fumes and sodium carbonate? would do the trick.

After writing on the board, Prashanth, who was sitting in the first row, closest to the black board, only had to press the light button on his watch. Using his reflective stationary box, he could easily flash the florescent light from his watch, onto the board. Cheating had never seemed easier. But yet, something was troubling Prashanth?

* * * * * * * *
7: 30 A.M.

Mohan Kumar was a dedicated teacher. He came to the examination centre everyday, signed his name in the register, and received his file from the clerk. The file would give him every detail necessary to conduct his invigilation.

That day, he looked inside, and smiled. ?10 ? C, is it? A good class??

He walked in, and began invigilating. Everything went smoothly. He made sure the students signed the register paper. And he had a feeling none of them were copying. By the way, Mohan Kumar was clean shaven?.

* * * * * * * *
10: 59 A.M.

Prashanth surveyed the class. Nineteen were present. One was absent. Patrick. It was a shame, since Patrick was known as ?007? in his school. It was said that he had cheated for every exam he wrote since 5th grade.

The time was almost over. ?Please hand over your answer books, please.? Declared the bearded invigilator.

Prashanth handed over his answer book. There was a frown on his face.

He had heard that a different invigilator would be invigilating every examination. But he sure that for all the examinations, the same bearded man had been invigilating. Weird, he thought?.

Everyone else was smiling with delight. After the books were collected, the invigilator said, ?Please, do stay in this class itself. There is an important announcement to be made.?

Prashanth watched as the invigilator began counting the answer books. Surprisingly, he was reading some of the answers as well. Come to think of it, thought Prashanth, the bearded invigilator had been doing the same thing for all the examinations.

Suddenly, a pang of fear attacked Prashanth. What if the school authorities knew of his plan? He had heard of instances where special invigilators were asked to monitor some classes. What if the bearded invigilator suspected them? What if he was gathering all the evidence to catch them?
No one else knew what was going on. Prashanth began sweating?

* * * * * * * *
11: 02 A.M.

Mohan Kumar handed over the answer books to the same clerk he had collected his file from. ?You know where to place these, don?t you?? he asked.

The clerk nodded. He walked down the corridor, and paused in front of a trash bin. Making sure no one was watching, he tossed the answer books into the bin, and walked away?
* * * * * * * *
11: 03 A.M.

The bearded invigilator handed over the answer books, and then closed the door.

?May I have your attention please?? he asked. Everyone stopped talking and looked at him. There were gasps and cries of surprise, as the invigilator began removing his beard and moustache. Smiling calmly, he removed his wig as well. Finally, standing in front of the 19 students, was Patrick.

?What? Patrick?? Prashanth cried.

?Yes, it?s me. Now, I?m afraid I don?t have much time left. So I?ll explain what has been going on. Guys, I?m sorry, but I think I am the winner of this game.?

?How can you say that? You didn?t even write the examination!?

?Ah. That?s where you?re wrong. You see, I wrote the examination. All five of them. Unfortunately some of you haven?t.?

?You?re not making any sense!?

?Let me explain. In order to cheat for this examination, I devised a plan. I asked 20 Ninth grade friends of mine to help me out. For all the five examinations, they came dressed as students, with fake admit cards. Of course, we all know that they don?t check admit cards!?

?Then, I paid a clerk really well, to do something simple. He hands over the file to the invigilator who is supposed to come to this class ? 12 - B ? and makes sure they go to 10 ? C instead. It?s very easy to do that. I just needed to fake the Head of Department?s signature, and change the class from 12 ? B to 10 ? C.?

?Of course, I also needed to place a fake register paper as well. The invigilator makes sure the students admit card number matches the ones in the register paper. And of course they would match. I made them both, didn?t I??

?And then comes the easy part. I walk into this class for the examination. No supervisor bothers me, since they check with 10 ? C. Besides, any one who passes by will think I?m conducting a class test.?

?I spend three hours, assessing who?s writing the best answers. Sometimes it gets complicated, since no one?s answered the paper fully. So I try my best to make it all right, by attaching one fellow?s excellent map work, to another?s wonderful written work. I must say, it?s been easy so far. All I had to do was change the roll no. and write my own. So you see, I have written all the examinations. Well, technically, all of you have. But I will be getting the best marks. It?s been good talking to all of you, but I?m afraid my 9th grade friends are waiting for me. Bye!?

Everyone stood stunned, as Patrick walked away. Praveen suddenly lunged forward. ?Stop, you rascal. You think we?ll let you go like that??

Patrick stopped. ?Oh yes you will. After all, you wouldn?t want the authorities to see the video of all of you cheating, would you?? he said, flashing his mobile, which had been secretly placed in the hall.

The nineteen students stood dumb struck as ?The King of Exams? walked away?.