31 August 2008

The First Laptop Diary Post...

Dear LG,

I think I should be frank with you. I dont think it's good to hide such important stuff. You must've noticed that I havent been typing for a while (Obviously, since you're the laptop...)

The thing is, I guess I'm having Blogger's Block right now. I'm feeling incapable of writing a proper post, just like you sometimes are incapable of opening My Documents ( I hate that, by the way!). Anyways, school is becoming hectic. I wonder whether I'll be able to cope with the studies. Sometimes I feel the load is too much. That I wont be able to understand it all. Now I know how you felt when you were being compared to Acer and Dell. They're way out of you're league....

Anyways, maybe I'll start writing soon. I hope you're going to be done with the formatting thing by then. Take your time. This is the fourth formatting that you've had. I dont like installing things back in place, even if you seem to enjoy it!

By the way....please do something about the keys. I cant seem to type the T's.

Your Owner.

This is an experimental new post, part of a new series aptly titled : The Laptop Diary. I do know it hasnt reached it's potential, but give it a try. Do let me know how it sounds....

22 August 2008

Subscribe Now!

Dear Reader,

Instead of visiting this Blog every now and then, now you can receive timely updates in your inbox itself. It's called Subscription, and if you Subscribe now, you'll get....(well, you'll get free posts, that's all for now.)

All you have to do is click the link below, and submit your email address. From then onwards, you'll know excatly when I've put up something new (rather than me having to bully you to read...)

Click here to Subscribe...

Thank you, and if you have any problem with the subscription....let me know!

Welcome to Laptop Diary

Dear Reader,

Presuming that you're reading my blog for the first time, I hope I'll be able to tell you why exactly this site isnt a waste of your time.

Laptop Diary, is a blog where I, a 17 year old teenager, comments about Life as such. Nothing extremely philosophical, nor shockingly boring. Mostly there are humorous stories from my past, re edited parodies of Julius Caesar, quiet contemplation about Mumbai Attacks, short stories and the occasional diary entries to my dear Laptop.

So if you're wondering where to start from, here's my advice. If you're the impatient, rarely impressed kind, here are my top 15 posts:
#15 - What's Wrong With My Hello?

Please comment if you like the posts, or else just rate them. Also, if you've liked the blog, it's usually a huge confidence booster for me when you subscribe for future posts. And lastly, if you're here to spend a little more time, then feel free to read my blog from the very first.

That's all from me. Go on now, hope you enjoy Laptop Diary.

How I Got My Dimples

When I grow up, if I turn into a public speaker, I swear to God I will tell this story in front of every audience (and probably get a standing ovation for that as well!). What is the story? It's about how I got my dimples. One clue. I didnt have them on my 4th birthday. I had two of them on my 5th. Intrigued?

Let's go to the story, shall we? First the scene. It's a bathroom (hold on, you perverts. The bathroom door is open...). My Mother is bathing me (dont expect to tease me with this. Your Mom must've bathed you too when you were 5 years old.)

To fully understand what happens next, you should know the following:
  1. I had come home from Kindergarden. I was sweating and thus needed a bath.
  2. My Mother was using a soap to bath me (like duh!).
  3. The Tub had a kind of dumpy elevation in the front part (those who really are into this story, take a break and check out your bathtub. My guess is, it will have those same elevated bumpy stuff too.)
Now, as my Mother is bathing me, there's soap all over my body. So what happens is, I slip because my feet are soapy, and I land on the bathtub floor. Here is the main point of the story. As I fall, I slam my (left side) cheek onto the bumpy stuff. And then I cry and blah blah blah.

Guess what happened then. It turns out there is an impression on my left as well as right cheeks (the impact was that great..) By an impression, I mean, like how the moon has a lot of impressions on it. In other words....er.....holes. Alright, I'm not crazy, but the truth is, there were deep, hole like thingys on both my cheeks.

What my worried Mother and not so worried Father does, is go to a few doctors and get me some oinments. The Docs all said that the deep, hole like impressions would slowly heal. Well, atleast I have that as proof. The next time you see me, watch closely. My left cheek has a dimple. My right cheek apparently doesnt.

Normally, things arent like that my friend....

So all I'm saying is.....Would you like some Dimples?

Note: From now onwards, the Blog will be updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Please subscribe to the blog, so that you get the latest updates in your inbox. Besides, leave a comment, or if you are a blogger yourself, follow this blog.

21 August 2008

The Mallu Who Lived

I'm going to talk about the day that I almost died....

(All you cynical readers out there, dont rejoice yet. I said almost. But not quite. I'm still alive and kicking...)

The day was a long time ago. Back then, I was a 5 or 4 year old kid, enjoying my time in India. When the action starts, I'm in the front porch of my house, jumping around, making odd noises, and you know, playing with my lips (that was my way of enjoying.) Just then, my Mom got hold of me, and gave me some cough syrus (for my cough, obviously.) She saw that I had some peanuts in my mouth, but didnt bother about it. I didnt either. I just continued jumping around and making noises. Little did I know that those peanuts would kill me....almost.

Two days later, we all went to the doctor, (well I didnt want to go. I wanted to play with my lips and make odd noises...but who listens to me anyway!). My Mom just mentioned to the Doc that I had some peanuts in my mouth when she was giving me my cough syrup. The Doc (being one of the few good ones in India at that time) told that we should check it out immediately. I wasnt so enthusiastic about any of it, but before I could voice my opinion, they stuck a needle into me and gave me anesthetics. I dont remember anything after that.

Turns out, something bad happened. Now listen carefully, since this is the technical part of the story. It seems that after having the cough syrup, the peanuts got quite confused about which pipe to go down, and went through the wind pipe instead (I know, such retarded nuts!). What happened then, was that the peanuts ended up in my lungs. Not the ideal place for digestion, you'll agree.

The Doc was frantic about it all (I was unconsious...). He said that if the peanuts moved a bit more down my lungs, it would block the alveoli or something. I would just end up on the table, chocked to death, though it would be peaceful (since I was unconsious...)

My Mom got ready for her part of the role, and quickly began crying. My Dad did what he was supposed to, and began pacing around the rooom. The Doc, who thankfully knew what he had to do, ordered a Bronchoscopy.

Now most of you dont know what that is. It's this cool procedure, where they send a tube down your lungs. Obviously they all wanted the peanuts out of my lungs.

My extended family and relatives all sat at home and began praying for me. My Mom turned up a gear and more tears started flowing. My Dad....well he was a bit tired from all the pacing around. He took a bit of rest.

To cut a long story short, they took the bloody retarded peanuts out of my lungs, threw them away, and I was woken up. I couldnt understand why everyone started hugging me after that. Years later, my Mom told me this fantastic story.

I read Harry Potter, and thought, 'He just survived a killing curse. I survived a handful of peanuts trying to choke me to death. I'm way cooler.'

That's why I say....I'm the "Mallu Who Lived..."

Note: From now onwards, the Blog will be updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Please subscribe to the blog, so that you get the latest updates in your inbox. Besides, leave a comment, or if you are a blogger yourself, follow this blog.

19 August 2008

It's Brunch Time!

Let me tell you one of the highlights of my vacation. I slept at 2 in the morning, and woke up at 12 30 in the afternoon. Hmmm...So doesnt anyone besides me think that's kinda cool?

I realised that there are several benefits to waking up so late:
  1. You dont have to wake up early in the morning (Kind of obvious, but important nevertheless...)
  2. You get to same a lot of money on food, and you can even reduce weight.
Alright, the second point needs an explanation. After waking up, I thought about what I should eat. Breakfast or Lunch? For help, I turned to a friend of mine who has ample experience in this regard. The advice I got? Eat lunch, dumbo!

As I was happily eating lunch, I though about how good this was going to be for me. I could start a weight loss regime. The secret? Sleep early in the morning, and wake up in the afternoon. Hence you can skip a meal, and thereby reduce your weight!

Excitedly, I told my parents about my new found routine. They werent so happy. In fact, my Mom shouted at me. But hey, I was pretty happy. In fact, I decided to learn a new recipe for 'Brunch'. From now onwards, I would sleep at 2, wake up at 12 30.

It was all going fine. In fact I was having a dream about the perfect Brunch for me. Just when I felt someone give me a strong whack. I looked up, and saw my loving father. "Get up!" he said.

"Why?" I asked him. "Because you havent finished your holiday homework. Now get up and do something!"

I looked at the clock. It was 6: 15 A.M. Yawning badly, I got out of my bed.

So much for my Brunch recipe....

18 August 2008

My Movie Reviews...

I've always wanted to write movie reviews. In fact, this time around, I was inspired by Rajeev Masand, the top movie critic who decided the fate of Bollywood movies released every Friday.

So here goes my reviews. Criticism of my criticism is welcome.

Once Upon A Time....When I Was Cute

Now don't laugh at the title. It's true. Once upon a time, I was cute. But I've grown older, more rugged now. Too much time in the sun, too much time in the kitchen....all have made me loose my cuteness.

I wouldn't have complained about it, if it wasn't for an annoying picture. The picture of my 5 year old self.

You see, a few months back, I decided to put this ridiculously 'angel' like picture as my MSN Display Picture. The reason? I couldn't find any present day picture of mine that was socially acceptable. The problem is, I think I've become jealous...of my five year old self. It's true. And there's a reason too.

Every guy who chatted with me, asked me who the kid in the pic was. I said its me. What do I get in return? :-O. Or :P. Now that's insulting!

What's more, the girls who chatted with me, immediately asked, "Whose picture is that?". I replied, (blushing - though I was sitting in front of a laptop) "Err...that's my picture. When I was 5 years old."

"Oh cho chweeet!" they all say. (I don't know why, but apparently 'Cho Chweet' is better than 'So Sweet').

"Thank you. The picture looks cute right....just like how I look right now?" I added, feeling a bit pleased with myself. Strangely, they all quickly went off line after that. I wonder why....

So late at night, or early in the morning, I stand in front of my mirror, looking at the picture of my 5 year old self propped up in front of me, and think to myself, "Ah...the good old days...when I was cute."

Note: From now onwards, the Blog will be updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Please subscribe to the blog, so that you get the latest updates in your inbox. Besides, leave a comment, or if you are a blogger yourself, follow this blog.

What's Wrong With My Hello?

What's wrong with my Hello?

Yup, I'd like to know that, thank you. At first I thought it was just some kind of a joke going around. But now I'm seriously taking up this issue.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the details.

Like any active teenager, I receive phone calls from my friends. While attending those phone calls, I - as per 21st century protocol - start by saying, "Hello."

And the smart mouth at the other end, starts his conversation by saying, "Ha! What kind of a Hello is that? Ha-lo? Don't you even know how to say Hello properly?"

I don't suffer from extremely low inferiority complex. But when a few guys, over the course of a few months, tell me the same thing, I start to feel bad about my "Hello".

So like any normal teenager trying to fit into society, I decide to improve on my hello...

"What's wrong with it?" I ask with concern. My friend likes the sudden authority he has. "Well, you sound as though you just came running to get the phone."

The next time the phone rang, I was at my study table. Getting up slowly, I hummed a tune, and slowly walked along the corridor. My mother started screaming at me to get the phone. Still breathing calmly, I neared the phone, took a short breath, and picked the receiver. The line was dead. Apparently I took a little more time than allowed.

My mother was furious at me. "Why on earth cant you pick the phone up quickly?" she asked.

I nodded my head. "You wont understand, mother. You wont understand."

This happened for about four times. Finally, I did dash to get the phone. Gasping for breath, I said, "Hello?"

It was the same smart mouth who hurt my self - esteem. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "I've been trying to call so long, and no one's picking the phone?"

I mumbled some excuse for that. "Anyways, leave that," he said. "Man, you're 'Hello' is so crap! Ha-lo? Ha ha..."

I tried a different style from then onwards. "Good Morning" was kinda good, until my friends started thinking they'd dialled the wrong number.

"Hi" was nice for some time, but somehow it never caught on. Finally, in an act of desperation, I picked the receiver once and said, "Yo!"

It was my biology teacher. After asking whether she had dialled the correct number, she wanted to speak to my mother. About ten minutes later, my mother came up to me, looking annoyed. "I just talked to your teacher now," she said. "Son, what's wrong with your hello?"

From then onwards, I seldom attend the phone....

Over and Out.

Note: From now onwards, the Blog will be updated every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Please subscribe to the blog, so that you get the latest updates in your inbox. Besides, leave a comment, or if you are a blogger yourself, follow this blog.

17 August 2008

Singh is Kinng - Movie Review

I must admit that I have a prejudice against big budget, 'Masala' entertainers. Which is why I would have never wanted to watch Singh is Kinng. But I did. And I've changed my opinion about the movie a bit.

First, let me tell you what I thought Singh is Kinng would be like. I thought it would be a silly movie, filled with cheesy jokes, over the top action that didn't make sense, too many songs, James Bond like style from Akshay Kumar, and so on.

Now let me tell you what I saw. The movie isn't a masterpiece. Even the director himself would willingly agree. The question is, does it entertain? Hell ya!

The movie is funny at places, though not the kind which makes you roll on the floor. Yet, what I really appreciated about the movie, is that it doesn't bore you. Even when Akshay Kumar is showing his antics, you want to watch. You don't look at the floor, or stare at your watch, wondering if the time will pass more quickly. That's a great plus point.

And something that surprised me about the movie, is its presence of a heart. I mean, as I said, I knew the movie would entertain. But give a moral at the end? That's exactly what the movie does, though again, it sounds a bit melodramatic and preachy.

All in all, I would like to say that Singh is Kinng is a watchable movie. It has style, humor, and an engaging narrative. The plot isn't amazing, still the movie works. I wouldn't say this is a must watch, but if you happen to go to the theater with your friends, it wouldn't hurt to watch this movie.

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 3.5
Script: 3.5
Music: 4
Direction: 3.5
Choreography: 4
Overall: 3.5
Repeat Viewing Value: 1 - 2

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - Movie Review

There are some movies which stay in our hearts, months and years after we've seen them. Movies like Dilwale Dulhaniya..., Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, and so on, are memorable movies which we dont mind watching over and over again. Well, I would like to add one more name to the list. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na.

I'll first take shots at the critics of the movie, the fellows who say it's boring and a drag. Firstly, this isnt a typical action movie. There is no suspense, no thrilling sequences, no mystery. Any movie without these elements, cannot be interesting throughout its running time (there are a few exceptions, but I'm talking in general).

Therefore, please do excuse Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na for not being your normal thriller. In fact, I loved the way it weaved the story line, trying to make a normal love story as funny, and as heart warming as possible.

Most of you must have seen the movie. So I'll talk about why I liked it so much.

Narrative Technique: If I were to say that Jaane Tu is an original script, I wouldnt be able to continue reviewing movies much longer. I know that Jaane Tu is at heart, one of the most simplest and done to death topics in Bollywood. But have you noticed the different plot elements? Why was the character of Naseeruddin Shah kept in a picture frame? Why were Sohail and Arbaaz Khan shown travelling on horses? Why were the three requirements to become a Rathore so emphasised? Think about this, and you'll see that the director took an ordinary story, and told it in a not-so-ordinary way. That's the beauty of it all.

Music: No one will argue that the music of Jaane Tu isnt good. The songs are all excellent, but what's more, the sound track is amazing as well (especially when Jai stares at the inspector, or rides a horse to the airport).

Simplicity: I think we should all appreciate a simple story when we see it. At a time when audiences are getting tired of senseless action, over the top acting, and ridiculous melodrama, Jaane Tu is a change in every sense of the word.

All in all, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is a movie which was a blockbuster (it grossed over 50 crore rupees till date), as well as movie that was critically praised (not acclaimed, just praised. Not every critic, unfortunately, is like me!). What's more, the fan base of this movie is between 16 and 24 years of age.

If you havent seen the movie, please do see it. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe you wont. But I assure you, it's worth the gamble.

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 3.5
Script: 4
Music: 4.5
Direction: 4
Choreography: 3.5
Overall: 4
Repeat Viewing Value: 1 - 3

The Dark Knight - Movie Review

I wasn't too excited about seeing The Dark Knight. The only reason I did, was because I had a lot of time on my hands. But one thing is clear. I don't regret the decision.

To say The Dark Knight is the best movie that I've seen, is a bit of a lie. To say that it's an awesome movie, would be true. In fact, it's one of the few movies which I liked more and more, with every passing day after I had seen it.

It's too boring to tell you the plot, or the name of all the characters and actors. I'll dive right into why I liked the movie.

The story, is about how Batman begins to question whether he is the ideal hero for Gotham, or whether Harvey Dent - the District Attorney (played by Aaron Eckhart) could do a better job. That's when the menace of the Joker appears. As shown in the opening scenes, the Joker plans the robbery of a bank which was holding the Mob's money. Later, the Joker strikes a deal with the Mob. He will kill the Batman for them, in return for half their money.

What follows is an action packed movie, filled with menace, suspense and thrill. I don't want to give away any more plot details, so I'll talk about the best reason to watch The Dark Knight. One word. Joker.

Heath Ledger is an amazing actor, at least in the role of the Joker. Few villains can actually do more than produce an evil laugh. Heath Ledger can make even the most seasoned movie goer shudder. And he does it with style.

The catch phrase, "Why so serious?" and "Let's put a smile on your face", will stay in my mind for a long time.

If you're wondering whether or not to watch this movie, let me help you out. Watch it. Watch it, even if you're not a fan of Batman. Watch it even if you don't like action movies. Because, its worth it all when you see the Joker utter those heart stopping words.

"Why So Serious....?"

Scorecard (Out of 5):
Acting: 4
Direction: 4
Story: 3.5
Overall: 4
Repeat Viewing Value: 2 - 4

16 August 2008

Introducing Laptop Diary

Dear Reader,

I've finally cracked it. After months and months of thinking, I finally figured out how to write a blog of my own. This blog wont have stories, or poems, or serialized novels. All its going to have, is lots and lots of my ramblings (most of you should press Alt + F4 now...). For the rest of you, I'd like to share how exactly I got the name of this blog.

Writing a diary had always seemed like a cool idea. However, using pen and paper to do it, didn't seem so cool. Besides, I could type faster than I could write. Therefore, one day while I was brushing my teeth (I'm not trying to make this melodramatic, this actually happened), I realized that if I combined my desire to write a diary, with my ease of using a laptop, I could get the perfect blog. And viola! Introducing Laptop Diary.

Most of you will think it's a cheesy name. After I finished brushing that day, even I thought so. Still, I couldn't think of any other name to use. So from now on, whenever I get time, I'll be updating this blog with my thoughts. Whether you read it or not, will depend on how bored you are at that time (which is why I get the most traffic during the summer holidays!).

But let me tell you one thing. Don't ever read my blog, and NOT comment on it. And don't you dare comment on it in Orkut. I hate that.

Will be back for more. Till then.....go do something worthwhile....

Over and Out.

15 August 2008

A Blogger - Mind of a Visionary, Heart of a Wannabe

Dear Whoever,

I've finally got my first comment. Wow, this blog is just 4 hours old, and one guy's already commented on one of my posts ( the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves!). It's good to know atleast someone's reading....

By the way, all comments are welcome. Even criticism, though it's better to stay anonymous if you're giving any. Which brings me to my topic.


Almost any idiot can blog (how do you think I ended up here?). And again, almost every blogger wants his blog to be the most popular one. Now, I wish the NDTV reporter would, for once atleast, say, "...For more on those news and all our latest updates, please visit www.laptopdiary.blogspot.com - Oops, sorry!"

That five second publicity would be enough! Alright, back to reality. Most people who blog have a lot to say (I didnt include my name in the list.) But the problem is, how do you get people to read what you've written?

I got a few ideas of my own. I scream about my blog in my Orkut display name. Even paste it in my MSN Messenger Name. When that wasnt enough, I wrote a scrap to myself (yuck, how much cheaper can I get!), in which I said to the whole world where to find my blog.

I'm thinking of convincing my dad to get us an answering machine. Hopefully, without him knowing, I can record the message, "Hello, you have reached Azeez residence. After leaving your message, please do visit www.criesofateenager.blogspot.com. Thank you. And by the way, please comment!"

Sigh....I dont think my Dad's going to allow that. Which just proves my point. At heart, every blogger is a Wannabe. Including me. (Hey! That rhymed!)

And as per Rejin's advice, I've decided to drop the military style 'Over and Out'. Hmm....let's see...

"Adios Amigoes"(?)

Meeting Mummy (For the Third Time...)

Dear Reader (Do I always have to start like that?)

A few days ago, me and my friends went to see the third instalment of The Mummy. Although a much better movie, The Dark Knight was playing, we decided to watch the Mummy, since some of us had watched the crazy Joker's antics already.

We all went into the theatre, fully aware that Jet Li's Mummy act was panned by the critics. I have a nasty behaviour of checking Rottentomatoes.com (a movie review site), and they gave the movie a very poor rating. In fact, while the trailor was going on, I could mentally picturise the entire review that I read the day before.

And guess what? The movie wasnt bad. It wasnt the all time greatest movie. But it wasnt bad. It had action, romance, comedy, hell a lot of special effects. It was what we Indians call, 'time - pass' movie. Still, the time passed very qucikly.

I realised something as I came out of the theatre. If you have a really low expectation of a movie, you'll somehow end up being surprised. Which brings me to my next theory. I'm thinking of spending about a week reading the most critical reviews of Love Story 2050. After that, perhaps the movie will seem less horrible than it actually is?

I can hear you all say..."Nah!". I agree. Some movies, are just horrible. No matter how less your expectations are....

Over and Out.