The Weirdest Guiness World Records

It's a glorious day, and just the right time....to set a Guiness World Record!

What's with my sudden inspiration? Well, the truth is, on November 27th, we (as in me and 2,499 other people) are going to set a Guiness World Record. How? By each one of us running 100 metres around a 400 metre running track.

I know. Breathtaking right? I mean....that's like....what the hell, how on earth can that be a world record?! Look at it this way. Supposing we do set this record (after all the hardwork and dedication and endurance of human spirit blah blah blah), what happens then?


I'll tell you. In some remote corner of the world, perhaps in a village in Sarajevo, or a town in Mogadishu, approximately 2400 people will be clamouring, (perhaps for food aid, or distribution of clothes or something...), when all of a sudden, one bright fellow will realise:

"Wait a minute. We are almost on the verge of breaking a world record! Alright everyone, silence, silence, guess what! If we take a bamboo stick, arrange ourselves in a line, and then run with the stick, for 100 metres, we'll have broken the world record!"

Another bright yet cynical fellow would have thought excatly what you were thinking:

"Come on! You gotta be kidding. This is the dumbest world record I can think of!"

Of course, the moment the Guiness World Record judges arrive, they'd have realised it was all far from a joke...

Anyways, that set me thinking. Could this really be true? I mean, have we advanced so much that we cant think of any better world records to search. I reflected upon this deeply, and turned towards my mentor, my guide....Google Search.

And guess what? You'd be shocked at how absolutely retarded the Guiness guys actually are. Here are a list of my favourite Guiness World Records:

1. The biggest number of rattlesnakes in one's mouth
2. The most number of people inside a Mini-Cooper (21, if you're trying to break it...)
3. The hairiest family (I know, makes you wish you hadnt waxed right?)
4. The most number of feet sniffed ("In a 15-year career, Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5,600 feet while working for footcare experts Dr Scholl in the USA" - Good thing he never sniffed my leg!)
5. The most watches eaten ("Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1hr 34mins in 1998" - That must be one punctual chap!)  

That's all I can offer right now. If you came across any crapier world records, do let me know. I might even try my hand at breaking a few of the records. Till then, I should be proud to be part of the world recording setting team....that did absolutely nothing other than run with a baton in their hand!