27 September 2009

Falling, Falling....Fallen!

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[In the year 2016...]

I knocked on the Doctor's door, and heard him say, 'Come In'. Nervously, I entered the room, and hesitated near the door.

"Hallo!" The Doctor cried out jovially. He was a large, pot bellied man with a thick tuft of hair, and thick, golden spectacles.

"Please sit down. Mr. Musthafa. So what seems to be the problem?"

I immediately regretted coming to the Doctor. It was a stupid idea, I thought.

"Go on, feel free," he said calmly.

"The thing is, Doctor. I have dreams. Weird dreams." I muttered.

I could see the Doctor was interested. He leaned back in his chair, and crossed his legs. "Go on, tell me what these dreams are."

So I began narrating. "Well, it starts in a huge hall. There's a concert going on. You know, some kind of Ghazal concert. And the singer is seated in the middle of the stage. Next to him is the Tabla player. The funny thing is..."

"Yes? Come on. Tell me."

I began sweating uncomfortably. Somehow I muttered. "The Tabla player is playing....not on two tablas. But on.....on two bald heads."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow. "I'm sorry?" He asked politely.

I shut my eyes and continued. "Yes, there are two fellows sitting in front of him. And...and he's busy hitting their heads."

"Ha!" The Doctor laughed. "Must be a very funny dream, eh?". He began roaring in laughter.

"One of the bald headed fellows was me." I said curtly.

"Oh," the Doctor said, looking embarrassed. "By funny I meant -- Well, how long have you been having these dreams?" he said, hoping to change the topic.

"For the past year and a half."

"That Tabla player's been hitting your head for the past year and half?" The Doctor asked incredulously.

I frowned. "Yes. In the dream!"

"Right. Right, in the dream. Hmm, well, such dreams are usually manifestations of deep rooted fears. Do you have such fears of balding?"

I hesitated, wondering about the question. Did I have such fears?

"No, I'm not normally so worried about my hair."

"Right, so then--"

"--Of course I do count the number of strands that fall onto my towel or shirt and so on. You know, just to make sure the buggers aren't crossing the 100 strands per day limit. And I apply egg york to my head twice a week, along with three different shampoos (just to be safe, you understand.) Plus I stand upside down every night for half an hour, so that blood flows to the head and nourishes the scalp."

There was an awkward silence as the Doctor looked at me, dumbstruck. "Right," he finally managed to say, "I think you're a little worried about your hair. But my dear fellow, I cant see why. After all," he pointed towards my head with his fountain pen, "you're head is like a African rain forest!"

He smiled politely, apparently pleased with his analogy.

In a flash of a second, I tugged my hair upwards, revealing a gaping bald patch at the top of my head.

"Good God!" the Doctor yelled, almost falling back in shock. He quickly recovered, and tried to appear less horrified. "That, that was -- unexpected." He managed to say.

"How long have you been wearing a wig?"

"Since I began balding, I suppose. No point in wearing it before that, is there?" I asked sarcastically.

"Right, right. Well then, I suppose these dreams are a result of--"

"I'm getting married," I blurted.

There was a slight pause. The Doctor cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I'm getting married." I repeated plainly.

The Doctor was uncertain now. "Err, well, congratulations, I suppose?"

I decided to get even more blunt. "I was wondering what to do about my, er, problem."

"Problem?" The Doctor asked. "Oh, you mean the one on your head."

"Yes, that problem."

"Well, I suppose this is a classic case of Inferiority Complex. Right now, you must be feeling a sense of--"

"I'm worried whether my bride will like me when she sees the, er, problem. Should I just wear the wig permanently, and never tell her about it?"

"About what?" The Doctor asked dim wittedly.

"About the problem," I said testily.

He smiled, relaxing in his chair. Putting aside his writing pad, he looked at me smugly.

"In my honest opinion, you're worrying over nothing. There's no reason for you to hide your baldness from your wife. After all, you cant hide it for an entire life time, can you?"

I nodded my head, realising the stupidity of my idea. "Well, it's just that....well, I'm worried about my looks."

The Doctor smiled sympathetically. "I can understand," he said understandingly. "I can see why you would feel insecure about your large nose, bushy eyebrows and chubby face."

I stared at him in shock. "I...I was talking about my hair," I spluttered.

"Oh. I see..."

There was pin drop silence for a few seconds, as the Doctor stared down at his writing pad, avoiding my eyes. Finally, he managed to say.

"Well, Mr. Musthafa, what you must understand is that baldness isn't necessary a bad thing. There's lots of examples of people who've excelled in life even though they're bald."

I raised my eyebrow in skepticism. "Really?" I asked. "Like?"

"Well," The Doctor began, thinking of a good example. "Well, look at Bruce Willis!"

"I cant act. I definitely cant jump from buildings."

The Doctor thought again. "Ah," he said, "what about Salman Rushdie?"

I shook my head. "My own mother would kill me if I wrote blashphemy about Prophet Mohammed. Besides, I cant write like him."

He fell silent again. "What about Gandhi?"

I glanced at him suddenly. "Right, maybe Gandhi isnt a good example for us," the Doctor said. "But you must realise something, Mr. Musthafa. Beauty doesn't lie just in outward appearances. All you need to do is be confident of your self. You dont need to wear a wig. That shows low self esteem. Be confident of who you are...."

[Half an hour later, when the Doctor is alone in his office...]
The Secretary entered, saying, "Sir, there's another patient waiting for you. Shall I send him in?"

The Doctor stared at the mirror, adjusting his wig carefully. Once he made sure he looked good, he nodded his head....

[This post is an attempt to break away from the so called 'Philo' stuff. Hoping that I'll be able to write about a variety of topics, instead of just one. Suggestions in that aspect would be more than welcome. Thank you!]

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  1. its kinda funny..that he says not to wear..n he himself wears...he dsnt practice wat he preaches!

  2. haha..liked tis one...bt d title doesnt suit much...btw...do u wear a wig?:P

  3. Haha..nice!
    Next time I see you remind me to tug at your hair, just to be sure.:P
    And btw, standing upside down? Seriously?

  4. it's a good start... but i think u could make it funnier... more funny than descriptive.. i think that should be the way..:)

  5. Looks like I have to meet this doc now. :(

  6. Lol,
    After going through all your posts, (nearly all of them), I must say, this one is one of the best. Really the thought itself was so phenomenal.

    That was a unique narrative, on a equally bizarre storyline with a perfect ending. What more do I want?

    Cheers Mate!

  7. Btw, is your hair balding or something?
    Or is just another strand of your imagination?

  8. @Rocky:Yup, that's excatly what I was trying to convey.

    @Megh: The title...yah, dunno what I was thinking! As for the wig...u think?:)

    @Rejin: Lol....yup, I've heard some ppl stand upside down. Just once a week though.

    @AJai: thnks for the encouragement. I seem to have lost my funny bone somewhere!

    @Paritosh: Lol!

    @Pawan: Wow, talk about surprises. I didnt except you'd like this post so much. Most havent liked it at all. Still, you're comment is encouraging. And yes, it is just imagination!

  9. omg this post was simply too gud...i was laughinf almost throughout....u just took as through a different mood....unlike the usual posts....nd must say...the title was a tricky one fer me...at first lyk wt is dis??...then towards the end i was able to relate the connection of hw it strts nd in the ends up fallen...lol...
    gud going muthu...nd myc imagination....keep imaginig nd write more of these hillarious posts...nd keep us smiling nd laughing...
    keep up the gud work!!....

  10. Nice! So... when are you getting married? ^ ^

    I think I'll give this post a 3 star. :P

  11. I enjoy it very much. Looks like I have to meet this doc now. Thanks for it.

  12. n b/w u gt much more hair nw..u stil worried?:P

  13. way too funny...you know,ur at ur best at such kind of posts(maybe because u urself are God's idea of a comic act?!)but i agree with AJai..u can make it a bit more tight..